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humor: oct 25 -- Saltation, Quotation, StarWars

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

Loren Pomeroy has solved the puzzle!
>From Merriam-Webster's Third New International Dictionary.
"saltation: n ... The action of leaping or jumping"

"Surveillance should precede SALTATION."
	(Look before you leap.)

	So "salutations" to Loren.
	Things work just fine without "u."

And a warm "runner-up" thank-you to Carl who suggested
"Surveillance should precede PRECIPITATION."

Carl adds:
Although we usually connote "precipitation"
with some form of [rain], it also means (according
to Merriam Webster's Collegiate Dictionary, Tenth
Addition) "the quality or state of being precipitate"
which is then defined (in the "precipitation" form)
as "falling, flowing, or rushing with steep descent."
	Nick responds:
	Yes, as in "If you are not part of the solution.
	you are part of the precipitate".  :-)
	However, I saltate towards Loren's proposal.


A band-aid?  I'm a doctor Jim, not a ----, oh forget it!

A "bird in the hand" makes brushing your teeth difficult.

A 'government subsidy' is simply getting some of your own money back.

A .GIF is worth a thousand .TXT's.

Found at http://www.0rdernet.com/VBOK/thebat/taglines/a.html

     A BIG ROCK>>>>>>me<<<<<<A HARD PLACE

A Cat is only domestic in so far as suits its own needs.

A Cat's Courage is as Strong as a Dog's Chain

A Democrat is someone who wants to put YOUR money where HIS mouth is.

A Dog is just a dog until he growls at you, then he is Mr. Dog.

A Ferengi used car salesman. Now there's a scary thought!

A Life!? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?

A Long Walk, by Miss DeBus.

A Lot of people mistake their imagination for their memory.

A PROGRAM is used to turn data into error messages.


Some engineers from the U.S.G.S. surveyed some property and found
that in a certain area, the New Hampshire and Maine border must be
changed. They stopped to inform a farmer that he was no longer in
Maine, but in New Hampshire.

After a long pause, he grunted and said, "That's good. I couldn't
take another one of these Maine winters."


Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic.

 * The Titanic is big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.

 * Yoda could've used the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.

 * Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi
   material.  Rose is just marriage bait.

 * Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or

 * When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge couldn't say, "Look
   at the size of that thing!" and *really* mean it.

 * It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a
   raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.

 * Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as
   sympathetic characters.  Star Wars is egalitarian by
   promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.

 * Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral does NOT lose his ship.

 * We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and
   treats his fiancee like property.  We know Darth Vader is the
   bad guy 'cause he strangles people & blows up planets for fun.

 * Yeah, Leo can dance, but can he fly an X-wing?
   *NOTE* Is this a scary premonition:  Attikin DeCaprio?

 * Rose braves icy water to rescue her man.
   Leia braves Jabba the Hutt to rescue her Han.

 * There are always enough escape pods in Star Wars.

 * Do you know what the Empire does to a self-proclaimed
   "king of the world?"

 * If Luke were handcuffed to a pipe below decks in a sinking
   ship, he would use the Force to get the key.

 * Nothing has the same sting as "I'd rather kiss a Wookie."

 * Han is frozen in carbonite and turned into a wall ornament.
   Leo simply freezes.

 * Han Solo would've steered clear of that stinkin' iceberg!

 * We knew the boat was gonna sink.  But who could've
   anticipated, "Luke....I am your father!"?

 * Stormtroopers blast big holes in stupid minor characters;
   everyone in Titanic was a minor character.

 * When Star Wars was proclaimed coolest movie of all time by
   half of planet Earth, George Lucas did not make a fool of
   himself at the Oscars.

================ !!!!!!!!!!! =================
Thanks to Randy Walker <walkers4@pacbell.net>
who mails out Funny Bone <funnyguy@spunge.org>
================ !!!!!!!!!!! =================
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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908