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humor: oct 24 -- Sunday Stuff

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

Thanks to Andy Thomson for sending this erudite
update of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star"

	Scintillate, Scintillate globule vivific
	Fain would I fathom thy nature specific
	Loftily poised in ether capacious
	Strongly resembling a gem carbonaceous

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Ten year old Mikey, was asked by his mother what
he had learned in Vacation Bible School.

"Well, Mommy, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind
enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead His Chosen People
out of Egypt.  When he got to the Red Sea, he had his
engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked
across safely.

Then he used his cell phone to call headquarters for
reinforcements.  They called in an air strike of the Israeli
Air Defense to take out the bridge and all the Israelites
were saved."

"Now, Mikey, is that really what your teacher taught you?"
his mother asked.  "Well, no, Mom.  But if I told it the
way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


Don't miss this Saturday's exhibit by Christian Martian Arts...

The agenda was adopted...the minutes were approved...
the final secretary gave a grief report.

We have received word of sudden passing
of Rev. Smith this morning during
the worship service. Now let's sing "
Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow."

This Sunday morning following services
we will have our monthly feelowship.

This blooper showed up on the main page
of the Internet web site for the
Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada:
	"In a show of near anonymity, the
	 convention approved full communion with
	 the Anglican Church of Canada."

Lift up our Messianic brothers and sisters
in Israel who are suffering
during our prayer time.

Glory of God to all and peas to his people on earth

Applications are now being accepted
for 2 year-old nursery workers.

Brother Lamar has gone on to be the Lord.

The pastor will light his candle from the altar candles.
The ushers will light their candle from the pastor's candle.
The ushers will turn and light each worshipper in the first pew.

Song Lyrics: What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and briefs to bear.
	[No doubt, a lawyer wrote that one.
  	 And in fact, Jesus does bear our legal
	 briefs before the Father, right? -- Nick]

Church sign:
Jesus Saves!
Safeway sign across the street:
Safeway saves you more!

For the group of ladies called Moms Who Care
and pray for the children in school).
When their meeting was cancelled one week:
"There will be no Moms who care this week."

This one I said myself during the congregational
prayer when leading prayer for our unsaved loved ones:
Father, we just want to pray for our unloved saved ones.

Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring
individual who loves hurting people.

Overeaters Anonymous meeting will
be held at 8 pm in the large room.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *


* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I have received permission to share with you the
Autumn 1999 Newsletter Essay from a branch of
L'Abri Fellowship.  Some of you will remember that
L'Abri was formed in Swizerland by Francis and Edith
Schaeffer back in the 60's.  Now there are several
brancked is different countries -- each seeking to
address contemporary issues in the contest of a
community of historic Biblical perspective.

This was written by Dick Keyes, who I had the pleasure
of meeting when he spoke at California Polytechnic State
University some years back.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
 May I suggest that you print it
 out and read it at your leisure?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

        I have lectured about God's providence in the last months and it
has stirred up some interesting discussions. "Providence" now seems a
forlorn and old-fashioned word, and I think I have seen some of the reasons
why. Of course it is an enormous stretch for many people who are outside
the Christian faith -- and in a world after the holocaust -- to believe in
a good God who is ultimately in control over human affairs. What I had not
expected was that quite a few Christians believe in providence, but only if
they do not think about what it is.

        If God is great enough to be in ultimate control over his creation,
yet make creatures who can have responsible choice, then the Biblical idea
of providence is tenable, though that faith is put to severe test by the
tragedies of life.

	On the other hand, if there is a lesser God, he tends to become
either evil (the "spiteful imbecile" of C.S. Lewis's time of doubt), or
else benevolently impotent (the god of Rabbi Kushner), helpless before
Fate, far removed from control of the world, but preserving human trust in
his good intentions. That is, a lesser God ends up losing goodness, power
or both.

        Contrary to general opinion, it was not human tragedy that weighed
so heavily against providence that providence buckled.  People believed in
a good God before the invention of anesthesia, and after the plagues, which
wiped out one third of the European population. What providence did not
survive was having its Author reduced to the miniaturized stature of human
speculations about God -- and then confronting tragedy.

        Within the Christian faith one needs the full teaching of
providence to make sense of anything to do with the Christian life. You
need it to even account for something so basic as intercessory prayer.
	>>>If God is not in control,
           don't bother praying for help,
	   he can't help anyway.
	>>>If we have no real choice but
           are only programmed by God,
	   again don't bother, your prayer
	   would only be God talking to himself.

	The most tentative request in prayer assumes both that God is
capable of granting it if he wants to, and also that he takes us seriously
enough to be listening.

        For all of us, one of the deepest questions is -- is there any
Author of the whole human project, or are we in a random world where there
is no mind higher than our own? It is hard to believe in God's providence
and still see news of senseless slaughters in Littleton, Atlanta, or
anywhere else. How could a powerful God be good?

	Faith wrestles with this question, but also has its own questions
to ask. If there is no such God, how can we be so confident that these
slaughters are so very bad? Perhaps we have over-reacted. Perhaps human
life is much cheaper than we had
thought. Could the inflated value of each human life be an idea rooted in a
Christian memory, and supported only by human self-centeredness and
sentimentality? After all, why should human persons have so much more
importance than other ultimately random arrangements of molecules?

        Our society wants to ignore these questions as the rantings only of
a few crazy pessimists at its margins. It tries to minimize the enormous
difference between believing that the universe has an Author and believing
that it does not. For example, a best-selling book on vocation states, "the
Universe - God - caused us to be born and put us here for some unique
reason" as if there was no difference between "God" and "the Universe".

	The Universe (even if you capitalize it) has no intentions or
reasons for anything. It is minerals, gases and a lot of space. It cares
not a whit whether we live, die or how we treat each other.

        God, on the other hand, is the personal Creator and Author of the
whole story. He knows the hairs on our heads and each sparrow that falls.
He has purposes for us throughout our lives even extending beyond our
physical deaths. It is within these purposes that human meanings have

	The extraordinary message of the Bible is not only that an Author
exists. It is that when the time had fully come, the Author entered the
story himself to do for us what we could not have done for ourselves. This
dramatic entry, with all that he accomplished when he was here, becomes the
pivot point of our assurance of his power and goodness.

			Dick Keyes, L'Abri Fellowship

For more information, you may write ----
49 Lynbrook Road, Southborough, MA 01772
(508) 481-6490  e-mail: labrima@compuserve.com

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908