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humor: oct 26 -- Such is Life!

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

Thanks to Mary Ann Hoppe
for sending these along!

 Ah, Life

 Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs
 built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

 Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

 Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

 Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?

 Love is grand; divorce is at least a hundred grand.

 Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over
 if you just sit there.

 An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world.
 A pessimist fears that this is the best possible world.

 People will accept your ideas much more readily
 if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

 It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.

 I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.

 Anything free is worth what you pay for it.

 Indecision is the key to flexibility.

 It hurts to be on the cutting edge.

 If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.

 I don't get even, I get odder.

 In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

 I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.

 Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.

 I am a nutritional overachiever.

 My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

 I am having an out of money experience.

 I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

 A day without sunshine ..... is night.

 I have kleptomania,
 but when it gets bad
, I take something for it.

 If marriage were outlawed,
 only outlaws would have in-laws.

 I am not a perfectionist.  My parents were, though.

 You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
 that you once got from a roller coaster.

 One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy
 can make a you gain five pounds.

 It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
 abut nobody bothers tosk you the questions.

 The real art of conversation is not
 only to say the right thing at the
 right time, but also to leave unsaid
 the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

 Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

 Age doesn't always bring wisdom, Sometimes age comes alone.

 Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

 Brain cells come
 and brain cells go,
 but fat cells live forever.

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908