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Pat's Jokes - Redneck Jokes.htm

Title: Pat's Jokes - Redneck Jokes

You Might Be a Redneck If. . .

 251 to 300

251.You've ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.
252.Your favorite beer company cannot afford to advertise.
253.You have more carpet on your toilet than on your floors.
254.Your dad walks you to school because your in the same grade.
255.You've ever been too drunk to fish.
256.Someone asks for your ID and you show 'em your belt buckle.
257.Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
258.Every day somebody comes to your door mistakenly thinking that you're having a yard sale.
259.The UFO hotline limits you to one call per day.
260.You prefer to walk on the excess length of your jeans rather than hem them.
261.You smoked during your wedding.
262.People ask to hunt in your front yard.
263.Your two-year-old has more teeth than you do.
264.Your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting.
265.Your mother has ever come out of the bathroom and said, "Ya'll come look at this before I flush it.
266.Your satellite dish is bigger than your house.
267.Your tires on your truck are bigger than your wife.
268.You've ever driven a tractor to school.
269.Your high school prom had a day care center.
270.You have more than five magazines on the back of your toilet.
271.There is a shrine to the Dukes of Hazard somewhere in your home.
272.Your dad has ever been married so many times that U-haul gives him Christmas cards.
273.You had a necklace made from a beer tab.
274.Your grandma got in a fist-fight over a handicap parking space.
275.You think the Indy 500 is 500 Indians running down a hill.
276.If your life long dream is to get the autograph of the General Lee from the TV show Dukes of Hazard.
277.If you apologize to your car repeatedly just to get it started.
278.If you pet someone else's dog and your wife thinks you're flirting.
279.If your idea of a night on the town is ordering two Big Macs and a large fry.
280.If the couch in your living room was found beside the curb.
281.If the furniture on your front lawn is in better condition then the furniture in your living room.
282.If your idea of home improvement is rearranging the cars in your front yard.
283.If your "I Love...." tattoo has more than one name crossed out on it.
284.If you met your first and present wife at the Dairy Queen.
285.If your idea of a divorce settlement is splitting the bills equally.
286.If you have at least one of those clapper devices controlling the appliances in your house.
287.If you've ever thought about trying to install a clapper device on your car as a remote starter.
288.If you refuse to live in a house because there isn't enough room for all of your cars.
289.If you memorize redneck jokes so you can be the life of the party.
290.If more than one of your friends shows up at your Halloween party wearing a lampshade asking "Know  what I am?"
291.If your girlfriends idea of safe sex is to lock the car door.
292.If the entire police force of your town knows you on a first name basis.
293.If you have a 'reserved' cell at the police station.
294.If you've ever tried to marry a judge just to get out of paying a traffic ticket.
295.If you think a blood alcohol test is used to make sure there isn't any blood in your case of beer.
296.If you watch the "Jeff Foxworthy Show" religiously.
297.If you lie awake at night thinking of redneck jokes to submit to Jeff  Foxworthy.
298.If you prefer to kill what you eat rather than buying what you eat.
299.If the Home Shopping channel is the second most watched program in your house (Hee-Haw being the first).
300.You think going formal is wearing your good overalls.
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