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humor: aug 16 -- Indian Apples and Chinese Supplies

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

[re: yesterday's emailing] K.H in Ft. Ogden, Fl writes ...
>>>>According to a documentary I just saw last week,
>>>>Michael Landon's original name was Eugene Orowitz.

GROANER (punz)
If yew wood be like Johnny Appleseed,
yew wood be well advised to visit
Maryland because that's where an apple
is. Unless you wish to try the native
variety, In which case you'll need to
visit Indiana because that's where
. . . Indian apple is.

Thanks to "The Funnies"  /////////////////////////////
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				      Posted From UGA

Trading Places

An astronomer on an extended lecture
tour became weary of delivering
the same lecture night after night.

He confided this state of mind to
his chauffeur as they were driving
to their next destination.  The
chauffeur expressed a similar
boredom in his line of work.

"I've got it!" said the astronomer.
"You are bored with driving and I'm
weary of lecturing.  Let's exchange
places for one night.  It will be a
refreshing change for both of us.
My lecture is all written out word for
word and nobody in the next town knows
me by sight anyway."

The driver agreed and the exchange of
roles and dress was made.  That night
the lecture hall filled to capacity.
At the appointed time those in
attendance heard a flawlessly delivered
lecture.  At its conclusion the lecturer
Basked in the euphoric applause.  Then
came the question and answer period.

"Who discovered Uranus?" came from a boy
in the front.

"Uh... William Herschel."  He remembered
that from somewhere.

"And who discovered Pluto?" continued the boy.

"Aaaa... that would be Clyde Tombaugh."
He had read a little.

Then from the back:  "Would you please comment
on the relative merits of the pulsation instability
model and the accretion disk instability model for the
explanation of outbursts of cataclysmic variable stars?"

The speaker paused for a moment and then said,
"I am surprised that you would bother to ask me
such a simple question.  And to show you how simple
it really is, I'll have my chauffeur answer it for you."

''''''''' THE FOLLOWING JOKE   '''''''''
'''''''''   CONTAINS AN        '''''''''
''''''''' ETHNIC STEREOTYPE.   '''''''''
''''''''' YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED '''''''''
''''''''' DON'T BE SURPRISED.  '''''''''

An Italian, an Irishman and a Chinese fellow are hired at a construction
site.  The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the
Italian guy, "Your're in charge of sweeping," to the Irishman, "You're
in charge of shoveling, and to the Chinese guy, "And you're in charge of
supplies. "Now, I have to leave for a little while.  I expect you guys
to make a dent in that pile by the time I am back."

So the foreman goes away for a couple hours, and when he returns, the
pile of sand is untouched. He says to the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep
any of it?"  The Italian replies, "I didn't have a broom.  You said the
Chinese guy was in charge of supplies, but he disappeared and I couldn't
find him."

So then the foreman turn to the Irishman and asks why he didn't
shovel.  The Irishman replies, "I couldn't get myself a shovel.  You
left the Chinese guy in charge of supplies, but I couldn't find him."

The foreman is really ticked off now, and storms off toward the pile
of  sand looking for the Chinese guy.  Just then, the Chinese guy
springs out from a closet and yells:  "SUPPLIES!"

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908