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humor: aug 20 -- Puns Aplenty
Nick's G-Rated Humor List
FROM A SUBSCRIBER RE: Sunday Stuff
Hey Nick -- Kirk Douglas' real first name is Issur,
not Issue. ( I read his autobiography )
Taken from the pun-laden mailings
of Stan Kegel <firstname.lastname@example.org>
All afternoon a real estate agent had been showing a young couple
empty houses. The ones they loathed always seemed to be available,
but others had already snapped up the ones that struck their fancy.
Finally they came to a house at the very edge of town and fell in
love with it.
"Please," they begged, "tell us that this one we can have."
"It's yours," beamed the agent.
"It's last .... but not leased!
When an Indian shaman succeeded in driving an evil spirit out of a
beautiful maiden of the tribe, she exclaimed, "Thank you very much!" and
proceeded to hug the medicine man.
The Shama's wife was angered by the maiden's touching gesture of gratitude,
and told the maiden in no uncertain terms ... not to squeeze the Shaman!
Punned Haiku by John S. Crosbie:
They say it is good
To live like old Robin Hood.
I know I Sherwood!
NPR Contest Winner:
What did Anton Chekov?
The items on Franz Liszt.
What is Kevin Bacon?
A cake he'll have Robert Frost.
Johnny, what did you do to make Lucille Ball?
I hit her with my Yo-yo, Ma.
Is Glenn Close?
Yes, I think that now Sid Caesar.
Does the John Locke?
No; that's why Ellen Burstin.
If her mother wishes to know, will Robin Wright?
Sure, she'll grab her Penn and Teller.
Tom Swifts from The Pun American Newsletter:
"Let's raise the colors," Tom said, flagrantly.
"I'll buy a collie," said Tom dogmatically.
"I'll get a manx," replied Jane categorically.
In South America, curare is not expensive but deer meat
is. Since the natives can no longer rely on their own
resources for obtaining the latter, they have to purchase
it from professional hunters', often trading curare for
venison. This has given rise locally to the expression,
"An ounce of pro venison is worth a pound of curare."
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humor 1.94.3+ 9908