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[humorix] Linux-Mobile vs. Microsoft WinCar
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- Subject: [humorix] Linux-Mobile vs. Microsoft WinCar
- From: James Baughn <email@example.com>
- Date: Thu, 30 Jul 1998 14:34:16 -0500
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Linux-Mobile vs. Microsoft WinCar
Submitted by Peter Neal, firstname.lastname@example.org
This is a reply I typed up to a friend who had sent me that
old tired joke about "If Microsoft made a car..."
There'd be a weird car called a Linux-mobile, that was easy
to get, but wouldn't be sold by big dealers. You could find
it for $50 at Fry's supermarket, get one free from a
friend, or have it delivered very slowly through the
bathtub faucet, extruded out long and skinny. Hell, you
could go out and buy a book on how to drive the
Linux-mobile and find the car tucked into the back cover!
If it broke down or needed some work, the best mechanics
would be other Linux drivers who just happened to be
driving by. Each Linux-mobile would come with a metric ton
of tools in the trunk, from the simplest greple-wrench to a
big box of network sockets. If you didn't have the tools
you needed, you could always get different ones, since they
were all free.
If there was something that didn't work quite right in your
car, instead of waiting for a car company to offer the next
model year three years from now, you could just bum some
new and improved parts from your friends.
Linux-mobiles would be a little ugly, a little rough around
the edges, and not too popular. The people driving them
would look like mechanics. Pretty soon, you'd look like one
too. But you wouldn't care so much as you drove past those
stranded in the center median. Maybe you'd stop to offer
help, but would scratch your head when you notice that
their WinCar didn't seem to have a hood to open and look
under. Then you'd notice that this car didn't seem to have
doors either, and the driver was trapped inside.
Linux-mobiles would require a different key for each person
that drove them. Even weirder, they would grow a new
steering wheel each time someone new got into the car!
What's more, the Linux mobile would happily run for weeks,
*continuously*, even making trips on its own with *no*
driver. You could relax with your paper while your car went
to get groceries.
You wouldn't even have to sit in them to drive them; you
could steer them from another car's steering wheel if you
While you couldn't drive the Linux-mobile on a few popular
tollroads, such as the MSOffice Turnpike, you could drive
it a lot more other places: on roads, on dirt trails, over
grassy fields, along train tracks, through the sky, and
across the sea floor.
James S. Baughn
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