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[humorix] Is Linux A Finnish Conspiracy?
Is Linux A Finnish Conspiracy?
January 8, 2000
WASHINGTON, DISTRICT OF CORRUPTION -- According to a report
recently issued by the NSA (No Such Agency), Finland is now
considered a national economic and security risk. "We
don't trust the Finns... software written by these people
could potentially contain backdoors that could undermine
domestic security," the report states. In response to the
news, US Senator Fatcatte (R-WA) has proposed a bill, the
It's For The Children Act of 2000, that would ban all
software written by native-born Finns.
"It's time we take the Finnish threat seriously," Fatcatte
said at a press conference. "Not only is Finn software a
threat to domestic tranquility, but it could radically
alter the computer industry, costing us thousands of
jobs... and, more importantly, billions in tax revenue. We
must prevent the Finns from subverting our economy with
so-called 'open-source software'." He then asked, "Is
anybody thinking of the children of programmers who will
become unemployed when Finnish software overruns the
The bill bears a striking resemblance to China's rumored
efforts to protect domestic software ("Red Flag Linux") by
banning Windows 2000. Combine this with the fact that Sen.
Fatcatte from Washington State has received numerous
campaign contributions from a certain Redmond-based
corporation, and it doesn't take long to draw up a
conclusion. "Microsoft conspiracy nuts are going to have a
field day with this one," commented Lobb E. Isst, Humorix's
Government Affairs Liason.
Microsoft and Sen. Fatcatte deny that the proposed
legislation is targeted at Linux or Open Source software.
"This is to protect the children and the American Dream,
nothing more," a Fatcatte spokesman said. Nevertheless,
most people aren't buying that argument. "I can't believe
I'm hearing this," yelled one Linux zealot. "Microserfs
are the real threat to our national security and economy.
The US government needs to ban Windows 2000..." He added
wryly, "It's the only way to protect the children."
Linus Torvalds, Red Hat, and VA Linux were all unavailable
for comment at press time. Futures prices on Red Hat and
VA Linux stock were both down 50% in after-hours trading.
James S. Baughn
Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/