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humor 2000: Old Friends (Peanuts and Pooh)
Nick's G-Rated Humor List
Charles Schulz, the creator of the comic strip "Peanuts", recently retired.
Even though the comic strip was produced for almost 50
years, the Peanuts gang were 'frozen in time' in some unspecified
elementary school holding pattern.
But what if they had been allowed to age like the rest of us? With
apologies to Charles Schulz, here's what the Peanuts characters would be
Charlie Brown: Operates Good Grief Counseling Inc.,
which specializes in people who are just having a bad day.
Moonlights as a pitching coach at high school and college
levels. Married to Marcie. They have a roundheaded son who
Linus: Developer of Security Blanket Software, which is a
hot item on the New York Stock Exchange. Worth millions but
is actively involved in charitable causes, including the Great
Pumpkin 5K Fun Run every Halloween. He is the only man who makes
Bill Gates nervous.
Lucy: Serving her seventh term in Congress. On her third
husband. Claims she hasn't thought about Schroeder in
years, but the background music on her answering machine
Schroeder: After years on the classical performing circuit,
he runs a piano bar in Carmel, Calif. Won't let anybody
lean on his piano.
Sally: Never quite got over being spurned by Linus. Has a
cat named Sweet Baboo. Sells Mary Kay Cosmetics.
Peppermint Patty: Women's athletic director at a Midwestern university. Her
fashion credo: "Sandals go with everything."
Snoopy: In dog years, he'd be 350. Linus has created an
endowment at Daisy Hill Puppy farm in Snoopy's memory.
Found posted in a humor news group (rec.humor.funny)
Submitted there by Susie Cleland (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Doctors and veterinarians aren't born knowing all those fifty-dollar words
they use. There are whole books devoted to medical terminology. Most of it
is dry, staid lists of words and definitions, but every now and then, a bit
of the authors' personality shows through.
In "Bailliere's Comprehensive Veterinary Dictionary" by D.C. Blood and
Virginia Studdert, the following entry appears on page 133, right between
Brunner's Glands and Brush Border:
"Brunus Edwardii: the urban, companion animal bear, much admired for its
low food requirements and excellent house training, a high emotional output
and complete freedom from disease. Called also Ursus Theodorus (USA) and
Pooh, Paddington or Brideshead Bear (UK)."
(I could add that they may be free
from disease, but they do seem to be
susceptible to lacerations requiring
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HOMOGRAPHS: same spelling, but ....
The bandage was wound around the wound.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
IN THIS SENTENCE THE SAME WORD IS
BOTH HOMOGRAPHIC AND HOMOPHONIC!!
The present is a good time to present the present.
Thanks to subscriber "bucsncwbys" for
these discoveries that come with age.
When I'm finally holding all the cards,
why does everyone decide to play chess?
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves me completely.
These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go
somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.
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