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humor 2000: Steven Wright Quotes
Nick's G-Rated Humor List
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always
land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on
the back of a cat and drop it?
There aren't enough days in the weekend.
I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time".
So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't
park anywhere near the place.
I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I
took it out, it was gone.
My socks DO match. They're the same thickness.
When I get bored I go to a Seven-Eleven and ask for a
two-by-four and a box of three-by-fives.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Even snakes are afraid of snakes.
I saw a sign at a gas station. It said "help wanted".
There was another sign below it that said "self service".
So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave
myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.
HOMOGRAPHS: same spelling, but ....
Thanks to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List
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The fisherman threw the bass onto a bass drum.
The dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object being entered as evidence.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
HOMONYM TIME <<<<<<<<<<<<
Here's a sentence with three pairs of homophones (homonyms).
"The knight was too hoarse to go out at night on his horse."
Today's Anagram: A Decimal Point == I'm a Dot in Place
I do one sit up a day. Half a situp in the morning
when I get up, and the other half when when I lie
down at night. (credit: Arlan)
Thanks to subscriber "bucsncwbys" for
these discoveries that come with age.
All the reports are in: Life is now officially unfair.
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Only time the world beats a path to your
door is when you're in the bathroom.
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humor 1.94.3 9908