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humor: nov 06 -- Sunday
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Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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FROM AUGUST 1998 READERS' DIGEST
This fellow was taking microbiology at the University of Nebraska. The lab
work was taught by a bubbly, enthusiastic teaching assistant. One day she
announced that there would be an exam the next week.
The class moaned loudly, so she began to jump up and down like a
cheerleader, exclaiming: "Come on, everyone! Give me a T, give me an E,
give me an S, give me a T!"
A student interrupted, yelling, "Give me an A!"
--Contributed by Leon Freeland
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The daily routine aboard the USS Trentonoff the Somali coast, transporting
Marines and their cargo to and from shore, was disrupted by a visit from an
admiral. Sam Rickabaugh was in charge of the 30-by-50-foot American flag.
After the admiral gave his speech and left, the flag was to be lowered. Sam
had folded our national flag many times, but never one of this immense
size. Fortunately, a group of Marines nearby was quick to help. One of
them, Ramirez, immediately took charge, showing great pride with every
meticulous fold.
"Where did you master the art of folding a flag this size?" Sam asked.
"Are you on a special flag detail?"
"Actually," said Ramirez, "I learned this while working at McDonald's."
--Contributed by Sam Rickabaugh
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In Sydney, Australia, a bus stopped to pick up a young man who was wearing
the freakish apparel and the outlandish makeup of a punk rocker. He bounded
into the bus and asked the driver, "What's the fare?" The driver glanced at
the rocker's rainbow-tinted hair and, without batting an eye, replied,
"Forty cents for you, mate, and thirty for your parrot."
--Contributed by E.Mae Fritz
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Hanging in the hallway at Whites High School in Wabash, Ind., are the
basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of
the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year --
"62-63," "63-64," "64-65," etc. One day I spotted a freshman looking
curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the
teams always lost by one point?"
--Contributed by Philip G. Sheets
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The members of a church wanted to form a Sunday-school class to meet the
needs of unattached adults. But they felt that the name of the class should
reflect contemporary life-styles. "Young Adults" was rejected, as age
wasn't a consideration. Anything to do with "singles" seemed inappropriate
because an unattached person might marry and want to stay in the class with
friends.
And so it went for 45 minutes, until no one had any ideas left. Moments of
silence passed. Then one man's face lit up. Smiling, he said, "Why don't we
call it `Come As You Are'?"
--Contributed by John Slyker
THE PAST AND THE FUTURE
========================
1. Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
2. Age is the price one pays for maturity.
MATH CONVERSION FACTORS -- A CONTINUING SERIES
= - / x = - / x = - / x = - / x = - / x = - / x
1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 picolos = 1 gigolo
2,000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds
3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent
= - / x = - / x = - / x = - / x = - / x = - / x
BONUS MEASUREMENT UNIT: One "milliHelen" is
the amount of beauty required to launch one ship.
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SERIOUS STUFF --- PERHAPS THE WORDS ARE NOT ETYMOLOGICALLY
CORRECT, BUT THEY ARE CERTAINLY WORTH THINKING ABOUT --- SERIOUSLY!
Mercy - Not getting what you deserve.
Grace - Getting what you don't deserve!
Mercy - Not getting what you deserve.
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All of us also lived ... gratifying the cravings of our sinful
nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by
nature objects of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is
rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in
transgressions ....
Eph. 2:3-5
Grace - Getting what you don't deserve!
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For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith --and this
not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -- not by works, so that no one
can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do
good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Eph. 2:8-10
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Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence,
so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in
our time of need. Hebr. 4:16
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Nick Brown
professional physics teacher
amateur human being
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