Fwd: If Men Ruled the World (shudder)

[Brennon Davies <brdavies@globalcenter.net>]

>Date: Mon, 19 Jul 1999 14:26:48 -0700 (MST)
>From: Paul Vanukoff <vanukoff@primenet.com>
>To: Michelle Vanukoff <roberson_m_23@yahoo.com>,
>        Jennifer Hestand <jennibear_h@yahoo.com>,
>        The GuRu Of SiLiCoN <silicon@primenet.com>,
>        Brennon Davies <brdavies@primenet.com>,
>        Amy Mc Cabe <amccabe@primenet.com>
>Subject: If Men Ruled the World (shudder)
>
>
>
>			IF MEN RULED THE WORLD
>			----------------------
>
>Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call
>to her real number.
>
>Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to
>"I love you."
>
>Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
>
>When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd
>appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
>
>Breaking up would be a lot easier.  A smack to the backside and a "Nice
>hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
>
>Birth control would come in ale or lager.
>
>Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL Team of
>your choice.
>
>The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
>
>At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your
>window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car
>like Fred Flintstone.
>
>It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets,
>and go pillage a nearby town.
>
>Tanks would be far easier to rent.
>
>Garbage would take itself out.
>
>Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
>
>Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be
>with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
>
>Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in
>leap years.
>
>On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off. Mother's
>Day, too.
>
>St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be
>celebrated every month.
>
>Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing
>Cops. Or to the crooks.
>
>Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the
>Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world
>history.
>
>The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football
>from a Different Camera Angle.
>
>It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned
>it the following day with a full tank of gas.
>
>Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year. When a
>cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would
>actually reduce your fine. As in:
>
>> Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
>> You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
>> Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
>
>The Statue of Liberty would get a bright red, 40-foot thong.
>
>People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
>
>Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.
>
>Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
>