humor: jul 26 -- Quips and Quotes

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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These "summer re-runs" are from June 1, 1998.
They are still some of my favorites.
					--- Nick

SNIGLET
Idiot Box, n.:  The part of the envelope
that tells a person where to place the
stamp when they can't quite figure it
out for themselves.  --Rich Hall


QUOTABLES

If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue,
it will always do it.  --Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin

The illegal we do immediately.
The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.
--Henry Kissinger

	When we are planning for posterity,
	we ought to remember that virtue
	is not hereditary.  --Thomas Paine

One of the oldest problems puzzled over in the Talmud is:  "Why did God
create goyim?" The generally accepted answer is "SOMEBODY somebody has to
buy retail."  --Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"

Like so many Americans, she was trying
to construct a life that made sense from
things she found in gift shops.  --Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper.
--Thomas Jefferson

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
--Winston Churchill


Boren's Laws:
(1) When in charge, ponder.
(2) When in trouble, delegate.
(3) When in doubt, mumble.

Rule of Creative Research:
1) Never draw what you can copy.
2) Never copy what you can trace.
3) Never trace what you can cut out and paste down.


AMAZING BUT TRUE

There is so much sand in Northern Africa that if it were
spread out it would completely cover the Sahara Desert.

Going to church does not make a person religious,
nor does going to school make a person educated,
any more than going to a garage makes a person a car.


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  Only dead fish go with the flow.
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                      humor                            1.94.3+
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