Joke: The Hi Tech Hillbilly

[Eric Thelin <eric@generation-i.com>]

Technology fer "country folk":

  LOG ON:        Making a wood stove hotter.
  LOG OFF:       Don't add no more wood.
  MONITOR:       Keeping an eye on the woodstove.
  DOWNLOAD:      Gettin the farwood off the truk
  MEGA HERTZ:    When yer not keerful gettin the farwood off the truk
  FLOPPY DISC:   Whatcha git from tryin to carry too much farwood
  RAM:           That thar thing whut splits the farwood
  HARD DRIVE:    Gettin home in the winter time
  PROMPT:        Whut the mail ain't in the winter time
  WINDOWS:       Whut to shut in the winter time
  SCREEN:        Whut to shut when it's blak fly season
  BYTE:          Whut dem dang flys do
  CHIP:          Munchies fer the TV
  MICRO CHIP:    Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
  MODEM:         Whacha did to the hay fields
  DOT MATRIX:    Old Dan Matrix's wife
  LAP TOP:       Whar the kitty sleeps
  NETWORK:       fixin the fishin gear
  LAN:           where you threw fishin gear from
  LAN MANAGER:   the missus
  IBM:           Envy - as in "I be 'im iffin I'd the muney"
  PC:            Pissin Cabin (the backhouse)
  BANDWIDTH:     Min'mum stage size summer's bluegrass fest
  KEYBOARD:      Whar ya hang the dang truck keys
  SOFTWARE:      Them dang plastic forks and knifs
  MOUSE:         What eats the grain in the barn
  MAIN FRAME:    Holds up the barn ruf
  PORT:          Fancy Flatlander wine
  ENTER:         Northerner talk fer, C'Mon in y'all
  RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya cain't 'member whut ya paid fer the rifle
  MOUSE PAD:     That's hippie talk fer the rat hole.
  BACKUP:        mistress
  FAULTY BACKUP: Pregnant mistress
  INCREMENTAL BACKUP: Child support for mistress
  ZIP DRIVE:     Shuttin up the missus in the truk.