Joke: Hogs

[Eric Thelin <eric@generation-i.com>]

Dear Mr Secretary,

My Friend, agribusinessman Lumir Svoboda, over in Butler County,
received a $1,000 check from the Government this year for not raising 50
hogs.  So I am going into the not-raising hogs business next year.

What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best hogs not to
raise. I would prefer not to raise Poland/Chinas, but if that is not a
good breed not to raise, I will just as gladly not raise Berkshires or
Durocs.  The hardest work in this business is going to be in keeping
inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised. My friend, Svoboda, is very
joyful about the future of this business.  He has been raising hogs for
more than 20 years and the best he ever made raising 50 hogs was $400
until this year when he got $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs.  If I can
get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, then i will get $2,000 for not
raising 100 hogs.  I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding
myself down to not raising about 4,000 hogs, which means that I will
make $80,000. Now another thing, These hogs that I will not raise will
not eat 100,000 bushels of corn.  I understand that you also pay farmers
for not raising corn.  So will you pay me anything for not raising
100,000 bushels of corn not to feed the hogs that I am not raising?

I want to get started as soon as posible as this seems to be the ideal
time for not raising hogs.


Sincerely Yours,

P.S.  Can I raise 10 or 12 hogs on the side while I am in the not
raising hogs business--just enough to get a few sides of bacon to eat?