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The whole truth and nothing but the truth....
A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in
a trial, a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs.
Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr.
Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've
been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're
a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will
amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you." The
lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room
and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?" She again
replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster,
too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real
disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The
man can't build a normal relationship w!
ith anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire
state. Yes, I know him." At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to
silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he
said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be
jailed for contempt!"