humor 2000: One Liners, Two Liners, ...

[Nick Brown <nbrown@calpoly.edu>]

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                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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OK, it's 2000! Where's my flying car?

My "check engine" light came on the other day.
I popped the hood, and looked, the engine is
STILL there! Silly light....

People will accept your ideas much more readily if
you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.

I am in shape.  Round is a shape.

I have kleptomania,
but when it gets bad,
I take something for it.

If marriage were outlawed, only
outlaws would have in-laws.

Did you hear about the new merger?  The new company will
sell flavored drinks over the Web:  Yoohoo-Yahoo!

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

There's no sense in being pessimistic,
it probably wouldn't work anyway.


KNOW YOUR MATH
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-
Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good
paying job.  The company boss asked him various questions about him and his
education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?" "22," Rick
replied.

After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should
have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job.
About two days later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the
job!  Not to look a gift horse in the mouth, he was still very curious.
The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got
such a simple question wrong.

The boss shrugged and said, "Well, your answer was the closest."



Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE
FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET
WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR


I tried to get in touch with my inner child
but he isn't allowed to talk to strangers.

I have to take my paycheck to the bank.
It's too small to go by itself.

I must be following my diet too closely.
I keep gaining on it!!


//////////////////////////
Thanks to "The Funnies"  /////////////////////////////
   http://www.egroups.com/list/andychaps_the-funnies/
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////

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              humor                            1.94.3 9908
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