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humor 2000: Cats and Hamsters

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

HAMSTER ALERT!!! [a correction to yesterday's e:mailing]
With apologies to all of the 14 small Old World species of rodents
characterized by large food-carrying cheek pouches, thick fur, and a short
tail, hamsters are still living in the wild --- specifically over the
steppes, plains, and deserts of Central Asia --- usually in many-chambered
burrows 4 to 5 ft below the surface of the ground in fields, subsisting
mostly on cereal grains even if they have to damage commercial crops to do
Golden hamsters, Mesocricetus auratus, are widely used in medical research
and kept as children's pets. In 1956 it was discovered that hamsters can be
infected with the common cold. This discovery was of great significance to
cold-virus research at the time. It must be noted that colds among humans
are still very common. And hamsters are still popular pets. Coincidence?
Source: Encarta '94 (CD)

Today's Anagram: A shoplifter == has to pilfer

April 15 is only two months away!!!
(Tax forms & payment due in the USA)
A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.

Amazing Factoids from the "Year 2000 Doodle and Fact Calendar"
--- just for fun --- these may or may not be true ---
Good News: The average number of cats in the US household is 2.2
Bad News: In 1963 a cat jumpted on a loaded handgun that was
lying on a coffee table and accidentally shot its owner.
Better News: That probably wouldn't have happened with a hamster.

Once there was a man named Jim who opened the door to let his dog in, and
was shocked to see in his dog's mouth -- his neighbor's cat, dead!
"Bad dog! BAD DOG!", said the panicked man.
He took the cat away and looked at it. He couldn't bring himself to tell
his neighbor what happened, so he decided to clean it up and leave it on
the neighbour's porch. He took the cat into the bathroom and washed off
all the blood and dirt. It took him forever. He had to wash it four times
to get it all cleaned. He brushed its beautiful white fur as he blow dried
it, and put its collar back on. By now it was dark, so he snuck into the
neighbor's yard, and laid the cat down on the porch, in front of the door.
The next day, he was on his way to the car to go to work and his neighbor
was outside.
"Hi," he said. "Hi," replied Jim, nervously.
His neighbor said, "Jim, something very weird happened last night."
"Oh yeah? What's that," asked Jim, sweating now.
"Well, my cat died yesterday, and we buried him, but this morning he was
lying on my front porch!"
Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List

|| Homographs on the range ||
Subscriber 'blind' suggests
"Have you READ that you should READ 30 minutes a day?"
"The MINUTE is only a MINUTE part of a day."
"Let's make a RECORD of this broken RECORD."
What Nick likes about homographs is that they are often pronounced
differently, so READ and MINUTE are great. Still, homographs are supposed
to have a different work origin, so in the strictest sense, they should
probably be rejected. And even though I sent out RECORD previously, now I
think that RECORD doesn't qualify since it has the same pronunciation and
almost certainly the same origin. But let's not quibble. Thanks for
sending them in.
(I changed this form UNIONIZE)----
"Will my ENTRANCE ENTRANCE your readers?"
credit: R. Laughton
Isaac Asimov once said that the way to tell a labor leader
from a chemist is to have them read the word "UNIONIZED."
The labor leader would pronounce it "YOON-yun-ized" and the
chemist would pronounce it "un-ION-ized."
credit: L. Pomeroy
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              humor                            1.94.3 9908