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humor 2000: The Aging Process

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

Today's Anagram:   Lois has it == Halitosis

Amazing Factoids from the "Year 2000 Doodle and Fact Calendar"
   --- just for fun --- these may or may not be true ---

A dog is man's best friend? In 1795 when the parachute was invented,
no one wanted to be the first to try it, so the first test was made
with "man's best friend."  We can only hope that the test was successful.

Bad News:  Raises are often based on good performance.
Good News: Starting salaries are often based on height & weight.


 > How can "crash course"
 > and "collision course"
 > have two different meanings?

 > The journey of a thousand miles begins
 > with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

 > It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to
 > steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

 > It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

Thanks to George Carter ....

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty.
But everything else starts to wear out, fall out,
or spread out.

There are three signs of old age. The first is
your loss of memory, the other two I forget.

You're getting old when you don't care where your
spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

You know you're getting on in years when the women
at the office start confiding in you.

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest
then it did to get tired.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both
ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to
slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and
choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize
that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

The aging process could be slowed down if it
had to work its way through Congress.

You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker
and you can't get it started.

The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good,
spit it out.

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news:
the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac.

It's hard to be nostalgic when
you can't remember anything.
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              humor                            1.94.3 9908