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humor: oct 28 -- Short pieces

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

I have to find the answer to a very puzzling riddle:
There are only three words in the English language that end in -gry.
Two are hungry and angry -- what is the third?

	Good question --- does anyone have the answer?
				email Nick  :-)


Do You Hear That?

There was this man in a mental hospital.  All day he would
put his ear to the wall and listen.  The doctor would watch
this guy do this day after day.

The doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening
to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened.  He heard
nothing.  He turned to the mental patient and said,
"I don't hear anything."

The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know.  It's been like that
for months!"


Losing Track Of Time

A man is giving a speech at his lodge meeting.  He gets a bit carried
away and talks for two hours. Finally, he realizes what he is doing
and says; "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home."

A voice from the back of the room says,
"There's a calendar behind you."


The Clean Desk Policy Is Enforced

My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so he sent a memo saying that any
paper left on desks would be removed at night and we would have to fill
out a form to get it back.

So we left all our garbage paper on our desks every night. In a week,
the boss had an office full of garbage and we never heard about the
policy again.


Pete and Gladys

Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture
store.  Pete says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think
we can afford it."  The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment.
Then you don't make another payment for six months."  Gladys wheeled around
with her hands on her hips and says, "Who told you about us?"


Quotes To Enlighten You:

Better to be thought of as a fool,than to open your mouth
and remove all doubt. -- Abraham Lincoln

A society that will trade a little liberty for a little order
will lose both, and deserve neither. -- Thomas Jefferson

Anyone who has never made a mistake
has never tried anything new. -- Albert Einstein

A man who stands for nothing
will fall for anything. -- Malcolm X

My opinions may have changed,
but not the fact that I am right. -- Ashleigh Brilliant

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals;
I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown

I have never been lost, but I will admit
to being confused for several weeks. -- Daniel Boone

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908