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humor: oct 31 -- The Mummy!!

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

From: RAY HERMAN <rayherman@usa.net>

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and
came upon a sarcophagus containing a mummy. After examining it,
he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum.

"I've just discovered the 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who
died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist.
"You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death.
How in the world did you know?"

"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said,
'10,000 shekels on Goliath'."


From: Barbara A Bakie <babsbakie@juno.com>

Tom Swifties

1) "I can't believe I ate that whole pineapple!" Tom said, Dolefully.

2) "That's the last time I'll ever pet a lion," Tom said,

3) "That mink coat is on wrong side out," Tom inferred.

4) "That's the third electric shock I've gotten this week!"
Tom said, revolted.

5) "I'm never anywhere on time," Tom related.

6) "I won't let a flat tire get me down," Tom said, without despair.

7) "That car you sold me has defective steering!" Tom said,

8) "I've been on a diet," Tom expounded.

9) "I'll have to send that telegram again," Tom said, remorsefully.

10) "I keep banging my head on things," Tom said, bashfully.

11) "Look at that jailbird climb down that wall," Tom observed
with condescension.

12) "I remember the midwest being flatter than this," Tom explained.

13) "That's the third time my teacher changed my grade,"
Tom remarked.

14) "I'll have to dig another ditch around that castle,"
Tom sighed, remotely.

15) "I've lived through a lot of windstorms," Tom regaled.

17)  "I haven't caught a fish all day!" Tom said, without debate.

                         (- o)


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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908