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humor: nov 01 -- The Empire Strikes Back!

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

Please take time out of your busy lives to check your toilet paper
stockpile. Make sure it's Y2K compliant!!! If it isn't, on January 1,
2000, it will roll back to 1900, then turn into Sears Catalogs!

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I just heard there's going to be an extra scene included in the
DVD release of EMPIRE STRIKES BACK coming up next year!

Basically, it expands on the scene
where Vader reveals his fatherhood to
Luke, and ties up some loose ends created
with the release of Episode 1.

The Empire Strikes Back: Extra-Special Edition

A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER
towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's
hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He
looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No... I am your father!

Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.

Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...

Luke: NO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true.. and you know what else?
You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...

Luke: No...

Darth Vader: Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself, no
hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly
destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it's not my fault...

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me
what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord
of the Sith... waahhh wahhh!"

Luke: Shut up...

Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had
exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon...

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old,
winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer ...
I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are, but
you sure ain't mine...

Luke takes a step off the platform,
hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.

Vader looks after him.
Darth Vader: Get a haircut!


 9.  "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about
      in that time management course you sent me to."
 8.  "Whew!  Guess I left the top off the white-out.
      You probably got here just in time!"
 7.  "I wasn't sleeping!  I was meditating on the
      mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
 6.  "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
 5.  "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
 4.  "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured
      out a solution to our biggest problem."
 3.  "The coffee machine is broken..."
 2.  "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."

And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk.

 1.  " ...... Amen."

             _  _____________________________________  _
            / )|    Thanks to Thomas S. Ellsworth    |( \
           / / |           "Good Clean Fun"          | \ \
         _( (_ |   http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor   | _) )_
        (((\ \>|_/ )_____________________________( \_|</ /)))
        (\\\\ \_/ /                               \ \_/ ////)
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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908