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humor: nov 02 -- A colorful collection

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
From: Tom Ervin <ervint@U.Arizona.EDU>

This guy was applying for a job as a flagman on the railroad. The engineer
was conducting the interview. "What would you do if the Northern Express
was heading north on Track 1 and the Southern Central was heading south on
Track 1?"

The guy thought. "Well, I'd call my brother."

The engineer just sat there for a second.
"Why would you call your brother???"

"He's never seen a train wreck before."


From: "Richard G. Wimer" <RichardW@olypen.com>

A sheriff walks into a saloon and
shouts for everyone's attention.
"Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?"

"What's he look like?", asks one shoddy-looking cowboy.

"Well", replies the Sheriff. "He wears a brown paper hat,
a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper
boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket."

"So what's he wanted for?", asks the same cowboy.



From: "Gunther, Tina" <tina_gunther@peter.biola.edu>

Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Ellen: I is
Teacher: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
Ellen: All right-- "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."


From: Heath Jarvis <heath@integrityonline21.com>

Jack:  Knock!  Knock!
Jill:  Who's There?
Jack:  The interrupting cow.
Jill:  The interrup...
Jack:  MOO!



Keith Swift writes ---
G'day Nick, I have often heard this term "redneck" since being exposed to
American email lists, but never seen an explanation. For us non-Americans,
can you explain what a redneck is? Many thanks.

Keith, redneck is a colorful and somewhat negative Americanism.  It got me
thinking about other colorful terms ......

redneck, noun. [semi-offensive American slang]
	1. Used as a disparaging term for a member of the white rural
	   laboring class, especially in the southern United States.
	2. One who is regarded as having a provincial, conservative,
	   often bigoted sociopolitical attitude.

Orangeman, noun
	1. A member of a secret society founded in Northern Ireland
	   in 1795 to maintain the political and religious ascendancy
	   of Protestantism.
	2. A Protestant Irishman. [After William, Prince of Orange,
	   later King William III of England, Scotland, and Ireland.]

yellow, yellow-bellied; adj.
	Slang. Cowardly.

green, adj
	>>> Not mature or ripe; young: green tomatoes.
	>>> Youthful; vigorous: at the green age of 18.
	>>> Lacking training or experience.

green around the gills [green about the gills]
	Pale or sickly in appearance.

green-eyed, adj.

blue, adj.
	>> Gloomy; depressed
	>> Indecent; risqué: a blue joke; a blue movie.
	>> Puritanical; strict.
	>> Aristocratic; patrician.

	1. Noble or aristocratic descent.
	2. A member of the aristocracy.
	   [Translation of Spanish sangre azul : sangre, blood + azul,
	    blue (probably from the visible veins of fair-complexioned

blue-nose, noun
	A puritanical person: "Bluenoses demand restraint against the
	porn and violence that are the staple of popular culture"
	(Charles Krauthammer).

white-livered, adj.

lily-livered, adj.
	Cowardly; timid.


Orange is the hue of that portion of the visible spectrum lying between red
and yellow, evoked in the human observer by radiant energy with wavelengths
of approximately 590 to 630 nanometers; any of a group of colors between
red and yellow in hue, of medium lightness and moderate saturation.
	[Middle English, from Old French pume orenge, translation
	and alteration (influenced by Orenge, Orange, a town in France)
	of Old Italian melarancio : mela, fruit + arancio, orange tree
	(alteration of Arabic nEranj, from Persian nErang, from Sanskrit
	nEra¼gaµ, possibly of Dravidian origin).]

	WORD HISTORY: Oranges imported to China from the United States
reflect a journey come full circle, for the orange had worked its way
westward for centuries, originating in China, then being introduced to
India, and traveling on to the Middle East, into Europe, and finally to the
New World. The history of the word orange keeps step with this journey only
part of the way. The word is possibly ultimately of Dravidian origin, that
is, it comes from a language or languages in a large non-Indo-European
family of languages, including Tamil and Telugu, that are spoken in
southern India and northern Sri Lanka. The Dravidian word or words were
adopted into the Indo-European language Sanskrit with the form nEra¼gaµ.
	As the fruit passed westward, so did the word, as evidenced by
Persian nErang and Arabic nEranj. Arabs brought the first oranges to Spain,
and the fruit rapidly spread throughout Europe. The important word for the
development of our term is Old Italian melarancio, derived from mela,
"fruit," and arancio, "orange tree," from Arabic nEranj.
	Old Italian melarancio was translated into Old French as pume
orenge, the o replacing the a because of the influence of the name of the
town of Orange, from which oranges reached the northern part of France. The
final stage of the odyssey of the word was its borrowing into English from
the Old French form orenge. Our word is first recorded in Middle English in
a text probably composed around 1380, a time preceding the arrival of the
orange in the New World.
			--- from the American Heritage Dictionary

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908