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humor: dec 04 -- Swiftly, Tom, Through the Old Testament!
Nick's G-Rated Humor List
TOM SWIFT-LY THROUGH THE OLD TESTAMENT -
Copyright © 1960, Asa Sparks,
6045 Camelot Court, Montgomery AL 36117
"I have sinned," said Adam originally.
"Have an apple," the serpent said fruitfully.
"Come here, Abel," Cain said brotherly.
"You snails almost didn't make it," Noah said wetly.
"No spika de Inglish," they babbled at Babel confusedly.
"Nonsense, I'll look behind me all I please," replied Lot's wife saltily.
"Here's your pottage," Jacob said hairily.
"My thigh is out of joint," Jacob said angelically.
"I was the sun and you were the stars," Joseph said dreamily.
"Hey, Fellas, look at my new coat," Joseph said colorfully.
"I feel like traveling on, Madame Potiphar," Joseph said coatlessly.
"Now we can open grain storage area #1," Joseph said leanly.
"See how the reeds made him in just certain spots," Pharaoh's
daughter said mosaically.
"Tomorrow, we'll cross the Red Sea," Moses said dividedly.
"But we cannot find water if there is nothing but rocks," the ladies
of Israel told Moses gushingly.
"And here is your calf to worship," Aaron said goldenly.
"There are the pieces of the Ten Commandments," Moses said stonily.
"With God, we are bigger than the giants," Joshua and Caleb said largely.
"____________________________________," said Balaam's ass crushingly.
"Sure I'll hide you spies," Rahab said scarletly.
"Now what could have caused the defeat at Ai?" Achan said guiltily.
"Can you give me a place to sleep and all I need," Sisera said naillessly.
"Will the fleece be wet this dewy morning?" Gideon asked dryly.
"Your weapons are a trumpet, a pitcher, and a torch," Gideon said generally.
"That makes a thousand Philistines," Samson said hairily.
"Get up, Samson, your enemies are on you!" Delilah said snippingly.
"This is my new husband, Boaz," Ruth said messianically.
"Now, boys, let's subjugate our impulses," Eli said fatherlyly.
"Here am I," Samuel said prophetically.
"Just call me 'Kingy', boys," Saul said firstly.
"I love you," Jonathan told David brotherly.
"Lion, let go of my lamb," David said barehandedly.
"You'll never conquer me," Goliath said stonily.
"Here, catch the javelin," Saul said jealously.
"Meet my new wife, Bathsheba," David said adulterously.
"Divide the baby with a sword," Solomon said wisely.
"I'm amazed at your wisdom," the Queen of Sheba said regally.
"We'll not have taxation without representation," Jeroboam said rebelliously.
"We've got to pay for our Great Society," Rehoboam said threateningly.
"Thank you, Sir Raven," Elijah said fully.
"Here comes old Elisha," the children said baldly.
"That's the seventh dip," Namaan said cleanly.
"The driver is Jehu," the watchman reported to Jehoram furiously.
"This the new Fury Chariot," Jehu said windily.
"As goes Gomer, so goeth Israel," Hosea said prophetically.
"My feet are cold," Shadrach said fierily.
"Long live, O King," Daniel told Darius sleepily.
"This is where the wall of Jerusalem should be," Nehemiah said constructively.
"I've seen a little trouble during my life," Job said experientially.
"No fish for me," Jonah said greatly.
Editor and Publisher of "The Compleat Toonerville"
Editor and Publisher of the semi-annual Toonerville newsletter
6045 Camelot Court
Montgomery AL 36117
When I told a friend one time, "I'll be Bach",
he replied, "And I'll be Haydn".
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