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humor: dec 09 -- A Gaggle of Giggles

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

	I just heard on the radio that
	Douglas Fairbanks, Jr. turns 90
	years old today.  Wow.  I think
	I'll try to rent that old Robin
	Hood movie .........

From: Kenneth R.Johnson

A foursome of senior golfers hit the course
with waning enthusiasm for the sport.

"These hills are getting steeper as the years go by,"
 one complained.

"These fairways seem to be getting longer too,"
 said one of the others.

"The sand traps seem to be bigger than I remember them too,"
 said the third senior.

 After hearing enough from his Senior buddies,
 the oldest, and the wisest of the four of them
 at 87 years old, piped up and said, "Oh my friends,
 just be thankful we're still on this side of the grass!"


From: "Linda H. Beard" <lbeard@phoenix.net>
I enjoyed the Tom Swifties and wanted to contribute a few of my own....

"Roll over -- Good boy!"  Tom said doggedly.

"Okay!  Who shed hair all over my new jacket?" Tom demanded cattily.

"2 Quarter-Pounders with cheese, 2 large fries, and 2 large Cokes to go,
please"  Tom said archly.

"There's always next year!"  Tom, waving his tomahawk, exclaimed bravely.

"Beware the Ides of March!"  Tom warned brutally.

"Tom Jr., 2 plus 2 does NOT equal 5,"  Tom said summarily.

This one is for musicians:

"How am I supposed to know what to play?  This is just staff paper!"
Tom noted blankly.

I appreciate the Punch Line very much
and hope you find these entertaining
(she said swiftly). :)


From: Jim Oppenheimer <JWALLY@prodigy.net>

"In our Islamic country, we have no problem with theft.  That is
because of the penalty we have for any kind of stealing," said
Muhammed offhandedly.
                         (- o)
                      .oooO  Oooo.
======================(   )==(   )==============
                       \ (    ) /
                        \_)  (_/

	It seems this hungry shark visited a seaside restaurant. Of course,
a seaside restaurant for a shark is for shore a different thing than it is
for humans. People go to the shore to eat seafood. Sharks go to the shore
so they can see food they eat.

	This particular beach was inhabited only by a herd of cows who came
to graze on the nutritious seaweed growing in the shallows along the
shoreline. In this shallow water also lived many large shrimp. The late
Charlie the Tuna had also floated ashore and was rocking back & forth on a
sand & salad bar.

	The shark took a good long look at this meager menu and then called
for the wader. "Wader, are these the only three things you have to eat here
today?" "Yes, I'm afraid so sir," The wader apologized, "You sea, our motto
here is 'It's always Starkist, beef or the prawn.'"

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908