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humor: aug 18 -- Jewish jokes

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

Continued from yesterday ....
On the other hand, some ethnic jokes are not degrading -- they simply show
common human foibles that might be more dominant in one culture than


Chaim and Moishe are sitting on a bus next to each other.

Chaim: What's up Moishe? Where are you going?

Moishe: Oh, Tel-Aviv.

Chaim: You say you are going to Tel-Aviv because you want me to think that
you are going to Jaffa. But the truth is you are *really* going to
Tel-Aviv, so why are you lying?

Subject: Gentile Jokes

During the Jerry Lewis Telethon, the Jewish standup comedian who played the
perpetually depressed Mr. Carlin on the old Bob Newhart show told Jewish
jokes non-stop. Then he said he had some requests for Gentile jokes so he
told these:

  A man calls his mother and says, "Mother, I know you had been
  expecting me for dinner this evening, but something important
  has come up and I can't make it."  His mother says: "OK."

  A Gentile goes into a clothing store and says: "This is a very
  fine jacket. How much is it?" The salesman says: "It's $500."
  The Gentile says, "OK, I'll take it."

  Two Gentiles meet on the street. The first one says, "You own your
  own business, don't you? How's it doing?" The other Gentile says,
  "Just great! Thanks for asking!"


A strained voice called out through the darkened theater,
"Please, is there a doctor in the house?!"

Several men stood up as the lights came on.

An older lady pulled her daughter to stand next to her,
"Good, are any of you doctors single and interested in a
date with a nice Jewish girl?"


When Benjamin Netanyahu turned over the reins of government to Ehud Barak,
the public and political pundits were all quite surprised how short the two
of them met to discuss transition issues.  In a recent exclusive, it was
revealed what Netanyahu discussed with Barak.

It appears that Netanyahu handed Barak three envelopes, each consecutively
numbered from 1 to 3.  Netanyahu told Barak that Peres had provided him with
the same briefing and the same three envelopes, as had prime ministers done
from the time Ben Gurion had stepped down.

"When things get tough," said Netanyahu, "open the envelope marked Number 1
and follow the instructions.  If things get worse, open the second envelope.
And, when things get really impossible, open the third.  Do not,"  emphasized
Netanyahu, "open these envelopes under any other circumstances" The envelopes
were passed on to a new era of leadership and the two shook hands and took
their leaves.

Barak, being an intensely curious and impatient man and one who is frequently
up at all hours of the night, became rather curious as to the contents of the
envelopes opened the first.  He read "Blame your predecessor."  His curiosity
piqued, Barak opened the second.  "Blame the Kneset."  He then tore open the
third.  It read "Prepare three envelopes."

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  This comes from Harry <Whattadeal@aol.com>.  He sends
  out material of a Jewish ethnic and/or religious nature.
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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908