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humor: aug 22 -- Sunday Stuff

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
You Know You've Joined the Wrong Church if ...

... the church bus has gun racks.

... Church staff consists of the Senior Pastor,
    the Associate Pastor, and the Socio-Pastor.

... They use the "Dr. Seuss Version" of the Bible.

... They have Karaoke Worship Time.

... There's an ATM in the lobby.

... Worship services are B.Y.O.S. -- "Bring Your Own Snake."

   SUBJ: More Church Bulletin Bloopers

ANOINTING OF THE SICK. If you are going to be hospitalized
for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also
for those who are seriously sick by request.

Ladies don't forget the rummage sale.
This is a good chance to get rid of things
not worth keeping. Bring your husbands.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be
sung without musical accomplishment.

The sermon this morning, "GOSSIP? THE SPEAKING OF EVIL"
The closing song, "I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY"

The sermon this morning, "CONTEMPORARY ISSUES #3: EUTHANASIA"
The closing song, "TAKE MY LIFE"

The audience is asked to remain seated
until the end of the recession.

================ !!!!!!!!!!! =================
Thanks to Randy Walker <walkers4@pacbell.net>
who mails out Funny Bone <funnyguy@spunge.org>
================ !!!!!!!!!!! =================

Now for some serious stuff ---
An Inspiration Just For You:
>From Jack: <<USN58@aol.com>>
	--- Jack is in the USN and sends out
	devotional throughs on a regular basis.

It all began in a manger.  It all happened in a moment like no other.  The
most spectacular event of history had occurred.  God became a man.  Divinity
arrived.  The omnipotent, in one instant, became flesh and blood.  And the
very One who sustains the world started out as a child of a peasant girl and
a lowly carpenter.  He didn't come as a conqueror.  He didn't come to rid the
country of Roman occupation.  In fact, He didn't come the way any of the
religious scholars said He was coming.

Several of my friends were praising the series of books written by Dr. Tim
LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins.  Books are a weakness of mine, and when my friends
told me how exciting the books were and how they couldn't put them down till
they finished, I had to get them.  Now, they are all sitting on my desk
calling out to me.

You want to know something?  It isn't going to happen that way.  All of these
interpretations of scriptures are at best semi-qualified guesses.  Pre, Mid,
Post Tribulation all have their advocates, and I hope that the Pre-Trib's
win.  However, since history tends to repeat itsself, are we not setting
ourselves up once again, to not recognizing the hand of God in the coming of
the second greatest event in history of this world?

Nick adds -- this makes sense to me.  No one in Jesus' day expected the
Messiah to come as Jesus actually came.  Later, looking back, believers
could see the fulfillments of prophesy from Bethlehem to Calvary to the
empty tomb.  I have a suspect that when Jesus returns in glory we all will
be surprised as to how it happens.  I just want to be ready!

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908