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humor: sep 13 -- Comic Computer Virii

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

Tina Gunther <tina_gunther@peter.biola.edu> sends on something
from Kitty's Daily Mews <kittysdailymews-subscribe@topica.com>

         Comic Computer Virus Alerts

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus - Terminates and stays
resident. It'll be back.

AT&T virus - Every three minutes it tells you what
great service you're getting.

MCI virus - Every three minutes it reminds you that
you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Disney virus - Everything in the computer goes Goofy.

Martha Stewart virus - Takes all your files, sorts them
by category, and folds them into cute little doilies to
be displayed on your desktop.

Oprah Winfrey virus - Your 200MB hard drive suddenly
shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.

Saddam Hussein virus - Won't let you into any of your

Spice Girl virus - Has no real function, but makes a
pretty desktop.

Tim Allen virus - Appears helpful, only to later destroy
your hard drive.

Titanic virus - Makes your whole computer go down.

X-files virus - All your Icons start shape-shifting.


From: ZPub <ZPub@zph.com>

	A bank was about to close for the day when a customer called
	and asked if it was still were open.  The teller told her
	two windows were still open.  To which the customer asked,
	"Can't I just come though the front door?"

From: ZPub <ZPub@zph.com>

 The teacher spent the entire hour reading to her class
 about Bisons.  When she had finished, she said, "Name some
 things that are dangerous to get near to and that have horns."

 Little Johnny spoke up without hesitation, "Automobiles!"

From: ZPub <ZPub@zph.com>

You know you are having a bad day when.........

	Your twin sister forgets your birthday.

	Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.

	Your income tax refund check bounces.

	It costs more to fill up your car with gas than it did to buy it.

	The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.

	You wake up and your braces are stuck together.

	You put both contacts into the same eye.

	Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.

	The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.

	People think that you're 40 and you're only 25.

	When the doctor tells you you're in fine health for
	someone twice your age.

	You call your spouse and tell them that you'd like to eat out
	tonight and when you get home, your find a sandwich on the
	front porch.

Thanks to Bill's Punch Line for collecting these!
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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908