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humor: sep 30 -- Jokes and Trivia

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

	DAFFYNITION -- baroque, adj.
	When you don't have the Monet
	to buy Degas to make the vanGogh.

The Saturday Light Brigade is a FM radio show in Pittsburgh PA, whose
website can be explored at www.slbradio.com.  Larry and Bill get your
Saturday Morning off to a great start --- and you can even hear them on the
web (some sort of streaming (don't ask me!!).

Anyhow, they offer this 'homograph' puzzle.  Homographs are words with the
same spellings but with different meanings and origins.  How many can you
get? I refuse to bow to the pressure of giving you the answers.  You can
live without my help.  So resume your thinking, and you will wind up being
lead to the correct words.

I don't like to see litter, so I (      )
to let (      ) remain in my yard.

After his performance, the opera singer
straightened his (      ) tie and took a long (      ).

The frayed (      ) wire caused
the electrician to (      ) in fear.

I lost my job, so now I have
to (      ) writing my (      ).

After I felt the cold (      ), I decided
that I should (      ) my watch and get indoors.

I took the (      ) in removing the
dangerous (      ) paint from the old house.

================ !!!!!!!!!!! =================
Thanks to Randy Walker <walkers4@pacbell.net>
who mails out Funny Bone <funnyguy@spunge.org>
================ !!!!!!!!!!! =================

 The Vet
 There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself
 through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

 Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two
 vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and
 their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore,
 his income.

 He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying,
 "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way,
 you get your dog back!"

Useless Facts
  Here are some useless fact to annoy/amaze your friends:

  All porcupines float in water.

  The airplane Buddy Holly died in was called "American Pie."
  (Thus the name of the Don McLean song.)

  If you toss a penny 10,000 times, it will not be heads 5,000
  times, but more like 4,950. The heads picture weighs more,
  so it ends up on the bottom.  NICK ADDS -- or is it the
  other way around --- try it and see --- but don't email me
  until you have 10,000 tosses (and make them RANDOM).

  There are two credit cards for every person in the United States.

  An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain

  Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

  The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named
  after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's
  "Its A Wonderful Life."

  Gilligan of Gilligan's Island had a first name that was only
  used once, on the never-aired pilot show. His first name was
  Willy. The skipper's real name on Gilligan's Island is Jonas
  Grumby. It was mentioned once in the first episode on their
  radio's newscast about the wreck.

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908