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humor: oct 09 -- Saturday Stuff!

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

An Egyptian guide shepherded his party into
Cairo's most beautiful mosque and announced,
"Here the sons of our great leader Nasser and
his aristocratic friends learn to worship God
and his prophet Mohammed."

A 4'6" tourist from Shanghai interrupted from
the edge of the crowd, "That's not the way my
Chinese ancestors tell it."

The guide looked pained and remarked,
"There seems to be a little Confucian
around here."


The Rabbi was carefully explaining the story of
Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal.
He explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it,
cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar.

And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill
four barrels of water and pour it over the altar.
He had them do this four times.

"Now, said the Rabbi, "can anyone in the class tell
me why the L--D would have Elijah pour water over the
steer on the altar?"

A little girl raised her hand with great enthusiasm
and said "To make the gravy?"


And it came to pass after these things that God did test Avraham. And He
said to him "Avraham!" And Avraham replied "Hineni - here I am"

And He said, "Take your computer, your old computer, your 286; and install
upon it an operating system, a new operating system, Windows98, which I
will show to you."

And Avraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his donkey. He loaded
his computer, his old computer, his 286, on the donkey. And he took two of
his young men with him and Yitzchak his son. And he rose up and went to the
place where God had told him, there to find Windows98.

Then, on the third day, Avraham lifted his eyes and saw Windows98 from afar.

And Avraham said to his young men, "stay here with the donkey; and I and
the lad will go yonder and load Windows98 on our 286, and come again to you"

And Avraham took his computer his old computer, his 286, and laid it on
Yitzchak his son. And they went both of them together.

And Yitzchak spoke to Avraham his father, and said,"My father". And he
replied, "Hineni - Here I am my son".

And Yitzchak said,"Windows98 requires far more memory than a 286 has, how
will it possibly run on your machine?"

And Avraham looked at his son, his only son, whom he loved; and he smiled,
and with unswerving trust he said, "Fear not Yitzchak my son,......God will
provide the RAM."


Jewish Haiku

No fins, no flippers,
the gefilte fish swims with
some difficulty.

Looking for pink buds
to prune back, the mohel tends
his flower garden.

Cherry blossoms bloom.
Sure, it's beautiful, but is
it good for the Jews?

Monarch butterfly,
I know your name used to be

Heimlich. Is that a
Jewish name? I wonder as
a diner turns blue.

Seven-foot Jews
in the NBA slam-dunking-
my alarm clock rings.

In the ice sculpture
reflected bar mitzvah guests
nosh on chopped liver.

The sparkling blue sea
beckons me to wait one hour
after my sandwich

Is one Nobel Prize
so much to ask from a child
after all I've done?

Nick Brown
By visiting The Hunger Site at
you can help relieve world hunger!
One "button click" will cause corporations
to increase their donations of staple foods
to the United Nations World Food Program.
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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908