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[humorix] Jargon Coiner 1.0

Jargon Coiner 1.0
July 12, 1999

Jargon Coiner is an irregular Humorix feature that aims to
give you advance warning -- preferably before Tasty Bits
from the Technology Front picks it up -- of new jargon that
we've just made up.  Sit back and enjoy some ficticious
jargon that you won't see used anywhere else.

   Loud expletive uttered when a Linux user comes
   face-to-face with a computer containing a WinModem.  Ex:
   "Eric wincursed when his mother showed him the new
   computer she bought from CompUSSR... which contained a
   WinModem and a WinSoundCard."

wind'oh! key
   Nickname given to the three useless Windows keys that
   come on virtually all new keyboards.  These keys are
   often hit by mistake instead of CTRL or ALT, causing the
   user to shout "D'oh!"

de-wind'oh!ed keyboard
   1. A new keyboard produced without any wind'oh! keys or
      a "Enhanced for Windows 95/98" logo.  Extremely rare.
   2. A keyboard in which the wind'oh! keys have been
      physically removed.

   Accidentally posting two or more duplicate comments to
   Slashdot, usually as the result of hitting ENTER at the
   wrong time or fumbling with the Preview option.

You've Got Slogan
   The tendency for reporters to parody the stupid "You've
   Got Mail"  saying when writing about AOL.  Ex: "You've
   Got Spam",  "You've Got Merger" (the headline for an
   article about the Netscape/AOL Merger From Hell)

   Ongoing trend to slap a picture of Tux Penguin next to
   anything even remotely related to Linux.  Ex: "Eric
   penguinized his Linux advocacy homepage."

   Aimless surfing of the Internet; looking for something
   interesting to read while killing time.  Often involves
   reloaded the Slashdot homepage every 5 minutes to see if
   a new article has been posted.

   Arduous process of explaining why there's now a LILO
   boot prompt on the office computer.  Ex: "John had some
   lilosplainin' to do after his boss turned on the
   computer and the Windows splash screen didn't appear."

uptime downer
   Depression that strikes a Linux sysadmin after his 
   uptime is ruined.  Can be caused by an extended power
   outtage, a pet chewing through the power cord, a
   lightning bolt striking the power line, or an urgent
   need to reboot into Windows to read a stupid Word

OSTR (off-switch total recall)
   The sudden recollection of something terribly important
   you need to do online that occurs exactly 0.157 seconds
   after you've shut down your computer.

lexicon laziness
   Filling a humor site with a list of fake jargon instead
   of publishing something more substantive (and funny)
   that would take more effort to write.

free lecture
   Attempting to explain the concepts of Linux, Open Source
   software, free software, and gift cultures to someone
   who is not familiar with them. Made extra difficult if
   the explainee has been misled by superficial mainstream
   news articles about the subject.  Ex: "Eric gave an
   hour-long free lecture to his mother-in-law after she
   asked him about this Linux thingamajig she read about in
   USA Today."

for(;;)tune loop
   Repeatedly running fortune(6) for cheap entertainment. 
   Ex: "During a coffee break, Bob became bored and started
   a for(;;)tune loop.  His boss had to issue a SIGTERM to
   get him to resume working."

duke of url
   A person who publishes their Netscape bookmark file on
   their homepage.

wwwlize (pronounced wuh-wuh-wuh-lize)
   Habit of unconsciously appending www. in front of URLs,
   even when it's not necessary.  

   Common pronounciation of "double-u double-u double-u"
   when orally specifying a wwwlized address.

   Hiding a particularly annoying advertising banner by
   dragging another window over it, or by placing your hand
   on the monitor to cover it up. Ex: "Bob advoided any
   Microsoft banners he came across."

stop mirage
   Trying to click on an imaginary Stop button on a
   program's toolbar after doing something you didn't want
   to.  Usually caused as the result of excessive use of

   Putting "another" or "yet another" in front of a name or
   tacking "YA" in front of an acronym.  Ex: "We could
   ya-prefix this article by titling it 'Yet Another Lame
   List of Fabricated Jargon'."

TLDography (pronounced till-daw-graffy)
   The study of top leval domains.  Ex: "I asked my friend,
   a TLDographer, what country .ca stood for, and he
   responded, 'California, of course'."

TLDofy (pronounced till-duh-fy)
   Identifying a country by its top level domain.  Ex: "Oh,
   so you're from .de?  Sprechen Sie Deutsch?"

html lapse
   A period of time when the brain slips into thinking in
   HTML.  "Eric suffered an html lapse when he said to
   himself, 'You <BLINK>idiot</BLINK>! <B>Olympia</B> is
   the capitol of <A HREF="http://www.state.wa.us">
   Washington State</A>, not Redmond!  What a
   <I>stoopid</I> mistake!'"

not-a-saltine explanation
   The canned response given to someone who misuses the
   term "hacker" instead of "cracker".

O'Reilly O'Writing
   Going to a bookstore and copying down notes from an
   O'Reilly computer book that you can't afford.

deep write mode
   Similar to "deep hack mode", but applies to people
   writing editorials or (very rarely) Slashdot comments. 
   We here at Humorix sometimes experience "deep humor

Editorial War
   Skirmishes between two or more parties carried out via
   strongly-worded editorials published to sites like
   Slashdot, Linux Today, etc.  ESR and RMS are frequently
   engaged in this.

Star Spinoffs
   Applying themes and ideas from "Star Wars" and "Star
   Trek" to contemporary events.  Ex: "Let the Source be
   with you!", "Microsoft is the Evil Empire", "Resistance
   is futile.  You will be assimilated by Microsoft".

   Giving a phrase special meaning by appending a trademark
   symbol to it.  Ex: "Humorix's Vast Spy Network(tm)",
   "Think Free Speech, Not Free Beer(tm)", "Real Soon
   Now(tm)", "Blue Screen of Death(tm)"

   Referring to someone by the first letter of their three
   names.  Used by some people (RMS and ESR), but not
   others (has anybody ever tried to refer to Linus
   Torvalds as "LBT"?).

Rhymes With Cynics 
   The final answer to any debate about how to pronounce
   Linux.  Of course, "cynics" might not be the best word
   to associate Linux with...

   Using a service like Netcraft to determine what
   operating system and webserver a particular domain is

WISL? (Will It Support Linux?)
   The very first thought that springs into a Linux user's
   mind when a cool new piece of software or hardware is

JJMD! (Jar Jar Must Die!)
   Meaningless reply given to a question or poll for which
   you don't have a good answer.  Ex: "Q: When did you stop
   beating your wife?  A: JJMD!"


James S. Baughn

Humorix:      Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Archive:      http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/
Web site:     http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/