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Joke: June 13/14 - Weekend Funnies

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                                TODAY's JOKE
                               June 13/14, 1998
Yesterday's What We Leaned From The Moview did reasonably OK
A4.7 from Joke-Of-The-Day.com members.

      S O    Y  O U    T H I N K   Y O U ' R E    F U N N Y
CALL FOR ENTRIES  Sketch Comedy Competition (June 16)

 SPONSORED BY:     CAROLINES, New York's premier Comedy Club,& the
                   ComicBible, the top publication for comedians
 WHY:              Major prizes, great PR and of course fame 
 FULL DETAILS      Go the very bottom of this email
  JOKE-OF-THE-DAY.com is a proud sponsor of the competition
   Email for info:       mailto:ComicBible@aol.com

    Rate the Joke below! and    *** FORWARD TO FRIENDS ***
                                      Spread The Fun

                  THE 9 TYPES OF GIRLFRIENDS 
                          - Submitted by  K. Smith
We ran the Ten Types of Boyfriends before.
Check our archives if you want to find it.

Ms. Nice Guy - "Tickets to the boxing match?
Oh Darling, you shouldn't have!"
Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys,
my main squeeze, doormat.
Advantages:    Cheerful, agreeable, kindly.
Disadvantages: May wise up someday.

Old Yeller -  "You G-D spineless good-for-nothing
no-talent SOB! Can't you see you're making me miserable??"
Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell.
Advantages:    Pays attention to you.
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans.

Sickly - "     Oh, my head. My head. My feet.
               My cramps.  My cellulite!"
Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy.
Advantages:    Predictable.
Disadvantages: Contagious.

The Bosser -  "Stand up straight.  Put on a different tie.
               Get a haircut.  Change your job.  Make some money.
               Don't give me that look."
Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all,
               Ball and Chain, Yes mom.
Advantages:    Often right.
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - "I just can't decide.
               Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?"
Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart,
               Typical,  Aw c'mon Honey.
Advantages:    Easily soothed.
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed.

Wild Woman out of Control - "I've got an idea.
               Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn.
               I done it before.  S'fun."
Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler,
               goodtime charleena, passed out.
Advantages:    More fun than a barrel of monkeys.
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs.

Huffy -       "I see nothing humorous in those
               silly cartoons you keep snickering at."
Also known as: No fun, humorless prig,
               Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly.
Advantages:    Your friends will feel sorry for you.
Disadvantages: You will have no friends.

Woman from Mars - "I believe this interpretive dance will
                explain how I feel about our relationship."
Also known as:  The Babbler, Spooky Girl,
                Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic.
Advantages:     Entertaining, unfathomable.
Disadvantages:  Will read her poetry aloud.

Ms. Dreamgirl - "I am utterly content with you just
                 the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend.
                 I think we must make love like crazed weasels now."
 Also known as:  Ms. Right, Goddess,
                 Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous.
Advantages:      Funny, intelligent uninhibited.
Disadvantages:   Will have nothing to do with you.


                 YOU'RE THE CRAZY ONE   
                          - Submitted by Muffin374
A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and 
he hears  all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen!

Quite curious about this,  he finds a hole in the fence, and looks
in.  Someone inside pokes him in the eye.  Then everyone inside 
the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!


               YOU'VE GOT TO TRY THIS (PG 13)   
                          - Submitted by Cindy Kelm

Do Microsoft Developers have a problem that we don't know about???

1.  Open a new document in Word.
2.  Type "Unable to follow directions"  (without the quotes).
3.  Highlight the entire sentence you just typed.
4.  Click "Tools"; "Language"; "Thesaurus"  (or hit shift-F7 
    to open the thesaurus). 
5.  Replace with the given synonym...

         They Worked hard on them, so give 'em a look
       (To Read an Email we received about how helpful this 
          was to someone's website, read below the URLs)

Taylor Morgan   http://www.powernet.net/~wolfpac
D. Smith        http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Lights/6783
Zara Doggett    http://www2.netcom.com/~richzara/  
PalmTree's      http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Marina/5090
Bryan Kollar    http://members.tripod.com/~alfster/links.html
Woo-Ha Clan     http://www.geneseo.edu/~tcs1/wooha/wooha.html
Sody Kahlon     http://www.geocities.com/Broadway/Stage/9731/
Orla Irishqueen http://www.orla.simplenet.com
David Fleming   http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/9399/fun.html
Scribendi!      http://www.scribendi.com/humin.html
Larry Hartman   http://members.aol.com/bv98/Jokes.htm
googalee        http://members.tripod.com/~googalee/index.htm
John Werner     http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Hills/3717.
Geddes.Jennings http://www.fortunecity.com/meltingpot/jinx/455
Vickie B Rapunzel's   http://www.angelfire.com/oh/DIAMONDS
lJason Vanlandingham  http://www.geocities.com/MotorCity/Track/1053/page1.html

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thank you all for bringing a new lease of life to 'Mackie's World'!
Francis Madeira
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6-8 sketch comedy groups from around the World will be chosen to
perform at Caroline's Comedy Club where they will be judged by a 
panel of industry professionals.

The event will continue to take place every other month for a 
year. Winning groups from each of the six competitions will 
compete at Caroline's for prizes, performance and title during 
A Major Comedy Festival The final competition will also be taped.  

There will be a $10.00 processing fee for tapes, check or m/o made 
out to Caroline s Comedy Club.  For selection/ participation send 
tape/bio/press kit and check for processing fee to:  

Caroline s Comedy Club; 1626 Broadway; New
York, NY 10019  ATTN: MaryAnn Pierro; Sketchejd      

Note:  Tapes must be clearly marked w/contact name & #, and time.   
       Tapes will not be returned.

Carolines Comedy Club will present Funny Shorts.  An ongoing funny 
short film festival. Series beginning in May and continuing every 
other month. The best of May films will be chosen to showcase at 
Carolines for Toyota Comedy Festival on June 11, 1998. 
Prizes will be awarded, and all selected films
will be seen by industry.  

Seeking short funny films no longer than 10 minutes.   
Tapes must be clearly marked w/contact name, phone number, 
and time. There is a  $5.00 processing fee per tape, checks 
made out to Caroline's Comedy Club. Send materials, check,
and VHS tape to: Carolines Comedy Club;
1626 Broadway; New York, NY 10019 ATTN: MaryAnn Pierro/ Funny Shortjd
Tapes will not be returned.

Inquiries:  ComicBible@aol.com