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[HUMOR] If M$ was an Arkansas company...


1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders 95. 
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle. 
3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered 
     with a Hefty bag. 
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-right" or "Naw." 
5. Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos. 
6. The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '95 would be an outhouse. 
7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear a digitized 
     drunk redneck yelling "Freebird!" 
8. Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would be 
     "Achy Breaky Heart". 
9. PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt." 
10. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul C++" 
11. Winders 95 logo would incorporate Confederate Flag. 
12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word. 
13. Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have KKK servers. 
14. New Shutdown WAV: "Y'all come back now!" 
15. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz." 
16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am. 
17. Microsoft Office replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse. 
18. Four words: Daisy Dukes Screen Saver. 
19. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire... 
20. Spreadsheet software would include examples of 
      "How to inventory dead cars in your front yard." 
21. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor-Pull Simulator. 
22. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates. 

Steve Philp                                   lschultz@x2.alliance.net  
    "The Internet is like crack for smart people." --Arsenio Hall

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