[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]

(Fwd) FW: Thought you might be getting bored

An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he 
wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was 
very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.  
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one 
of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and 
get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a 
reasonable price!" The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest.  
Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier 
saying the same thing." So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same 
day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in 
the water.  He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in 
town was talking about."  Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously 
long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.  
Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck 
with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort.  
Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back.  
Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Marines 
then exclaimed, "Darn, this one doesn't have any shoes 
A Priest and a Rabbi get in to a head-on car accident. 
The wreck is devastating to both cars, pieces of debris laying all 
over the road. But amazingly, the Priest and the Rabbi both crawl out 
of their cars with just a few scrapes and bruises.
As they both reach the side of the road, the Rabbi says, "Wow, this is 
amazing!" "Look at our cars, they're completely destroyed, yet, we crawled out 
of this okay." "It must be a gift from the Lord that he spared our lives in 
this accident."
At that time, the Priest looks down by the side of the road and sees a bottle 
of Altar wine that was also saved from breaking during the accident.  The 
Priest declares, "This bottle of Altar wine is also a sign that the Lord has 
spared us, let us celebrate with a drink of the Lord's wine!", and he takes a 
large gulp and passes it to the Rabbi for him to do the same.  The Rabbi 
replies, "No, thanks. I think I'll wait until after the police leave."

A lawyer who works in Texas gets a call about an emergency which requires him 
to immediately fly out of the state for a short period of time.  He has no time 
to pack, so he calls home to tell his wife he is going.

The maid answers the call, but is quite hesitant about putting his wife on the 
phone.  After quite a bit of interrogation, she admits that the wife is 
upstairs in bed with the mailman!  The lawyer is furious, and wants to rush 
right home, but of course there is the emergency he must take care of first.

So instead, he tells the maid to go get the gun from the desk drawer and kill 
both his wife and the mailman.  She protests! The lawyer explains that under 
Texas law it is legal to kill your adulterous wife and her lover.

Using his silver tongue, he finally convinces her to do it. She puts down the 
phone, and soon the lawyer hears the sound of two gun shots, a scream, some 
loud thumps, and finally, two splashes.

The maid comes back to the phone. The lawyer asks, "Did you kill them?"

"Yes," she replies. The lawyer questions her again, "What did you do with the 
"I threw them in the pool," she responds.

There is a brief pause from the lawyer. He asks her, "Did you say the pool?"

"Yes! I threw them in the pool!" she says.

"Pool...  Pool!? Ehh err...  Heh, heh.  Wrong number!"