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[Fwd: Seinfeldisms]

Ron Jarvis: ron@netcommerce.com
Marketing Vice President
Generation I - The Internet generation

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Christine Chiang@GAPINC
10/01/97 03:36 PM

---------------------- Forwarded by Christine Chiang/SF/GAPINC on 10/01/97
03:38 PM ---------------------------

10/01/97 03:26 PM

To:   dgeorge @ uclink4.berkeley.edu, Beth George/SF/GAPINC, Christine
      Chiang/SF/GAPINC, Doris Meinelt/SF/GAPINC
Subject:  Seinfeldisms

with material like this, no wonder Shoshannah Lonstein broke up with

What's with the people who put carpeting on the lid of their toilet seat?
What are they thinking --
"Gosh, if we have a party there may not be enough standing room; I'd better
carpet the toilet too."

What's with this weird hotel custom of leaving a piece of chocolate on the
pillow? I awoke thinking
my brain had hemorrhaged some sort of fecal matter.

Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one
who brings your food anymore?
What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next
time I go to a restaurant
I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill
will be along shortly."

Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals
allowed except for Seeing Eye
Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?

Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important
occasions, they're killing
living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? "Sweetheart, let's make up.
Have this deceased squirrel."

Can't we just get rid of wine lists? Do we really have to be reminded every
time we go out to a nice
restaurant that we have no idea what we are doing? Why don't they just give
us a trigonometry quiz with the menu?

If airline seat cushions are such great flotation devices, why don't you
ever see anyone take one to the beach?

Why do they call it a "building"? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't
it a "built"?

Why is it when you turn on the TV you see ads for telephone companies, and
when you turn on
the radio you hear ads for TV shows, and when you get put on hold on the
phone you hear a radio station?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the
in a handicapped stall?

How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the basic
idea behind the wheel?
Don't they rotate on their own?

All the king's HORSES and all the king's men? Are you kidding me? No wonder
they couldn't put
Humpty together again. Just what did those idiots expect the horses to do,

Did you ever notice, when you are sitting at a red light, that when the
person in front of you pulls
up a couple of inches, you are compelled to move up too? Do we really think
we are making progress
toward our destination? "Whew, I thought we would be late, but now that I
am nine inches closer, I can stop
for coffee and a danish!"

Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How
did THAT happen? Did some
cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I
can get ME a hit of that stuff."

Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but
they still can't get those
blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys
can't even get the DETERGENT white!

Did you see these new minivan ads? All they talk about are cup holders,
kiddie seats and doors.
What kind of advertising is that? When you see an ad for a suit, do they
say, "And look at the zipper!
Carefully hidden, but easily accessible when you need it!" I think not.

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