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 These are the collected writings of the Simpsons from the chalkboard 
     exercises that Bart writes during the opening credits:
          I will not carve gods.
          I will not spank others.
          I will not aim for the head.      
          I will not barf unless I'm sick
          I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty. 
          I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge. 
          I will not conduct my own fire drills.
          Funny noises are not funny.
          I will not snap bras.
          I will not fake seizures.
          This punishment is not boring and pointless.  
          My name is not Dr. Death.
          I will not defame New Orleans. 
          I will not prescribe medication.
          I will not bury the new kid.
          I will not teach others to fly.
          I will not bring sheep to class.
          A burp is not an answer.
          Teacher is not a leper.
          Coffee is not for kids.
          I will not eat things for money.
          I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call. 
          The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee. 
          I will not call the principal "spud head". 
          Goldfish don't bounce.
          Mud is not one of the 4 food groups. 
          No one is interested in my underpants. 
          I will not sell miracle cures.
          I will return the seeing-eye dog. 
          I do not have diplomatic immunity.
          I will not charge admission to the bathroom. 
          I will never win an Emmy.
          The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
          All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
          I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause. 
          I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers. 
          My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
          I will not go near the kindergarten turtle. 
          I am not deliciously saucy.
          Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
          The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan". 
          I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
          There are plenty of businesses like show business.
          I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major    
          League Baseball.
          Five days is not too long to wait for a gun. 
          I will not waste chalk.
          I will not skateboard in the halls. 
          I will not instigate revolution.
          I will not draw naked ladies in class. 
          I did not see Elvis.
          I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes". 
          Garlic gum is not funny.
          They are laughing at me, not with me.
          I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom. 
          I will not encourage others to fly.
          I will not fake my way through life. 
          Tar is not a plaything.
          I will not Xerox my butt.
          It's potato, not potatoe.
          I will not trade pants with others. 
          I am not a 32 year old woman.
          I will not do that thing with my tongue. 
          I will not drive the principal's car. 
          I will not pledge allegiance to Bart. 
          I will not sell school property.
          I will not burp in class.
          I will not cut corners.
          I will not get very far with this attitude. 
          I will not belch the National Anthem.
          I will not sell land in Florida. 
          I will not grease the monkey bars.
          I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment. 
          I will not do anything bad ever again.
          I will not show off.
          I will not sleep through my education. 
          I am not a dentist.
          Spitwads are not free speech. 
          Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
          High explosives and school don't mix. 
          I will not bribe Principal Skinner. 
          I will not squeak chalk.
          I will finish what I sta
          "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
          Underwear should be worn on the inside. 
          The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
          I will not torment the emotionally frail. 

				Terry Mickelson
			     Above Ground Industries 
			Training, Web Hosting and author of:
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		     terrym@goodnet.com       (602)992-8490