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humor 2000: Alaskans, Zambonis, and Charles M. Schultz
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Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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Today's Anagram:
"The best things in life are free"
== "Nail-biting refreshes the feet"
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
/\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\./\
Amazing Factoids from the "Year 2000 Doodle and Fact Calendar"
--- just for fun --- these may not be true! ---
1) Most pigs that jog are happier than pigs that don't jog.
2) Most pigs don't jog.
Bad News: The elephant shrew is only a few inches long
and is preyed on by a large variety of animals.
Good News: It is the only mammal that never closes its eyes.
\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/.\/
Marcilynn has sent me two quotes from a daily quote service
[caveat: I haven't checked http://www.daily-quotes.com yet].
Permit me a few comments in the context of recent events.
"If you are drowning and all you can think
about is the fact that you can't swim,
you are certainly going to die."
- Lee Highsmith
Good point, Lee. We must do what we can
about living while we have a life to live!
"Life is like a rollercoaster, it has its ups and downs,
but when [it's] over, you wish you could do it again."
- Andrew A. Hagen
Thank you, Charles M. Schultz, for your lifetime
of humor. I'm glad I lived when you did so I
could enjoy it. Nick :-)
Homographs on the range ...
////////////////////////////
Subscriber M. Straw suggested this sentence
to settle the RECORD homograph question.
"I can't decide whether to listen to a
RECORD or to RECORD a cassette tape"
J Nelson says he READ a book that was a 'good READ'.
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FROM TOM ELSWORTH, WHO SENDS OUT GOOD CLEAN FUN:
Last week I sent out "Signs You Might Be Alaskan"
and asked the Good Clean Fun readers in the 49th
State to respond. I guess that there are many
fewer Alaskan readers of Good Clean Fun than
there are Canadian readers (I did a similar thing
in the past with "Signs You Might Be Canadian.")
The original "Signs You Might Be Alaskan" can be found in the Good Clean Fun
Archive at http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Farm/7478/signalas.htm
In any event, two people responded and I gladly share their responses plus
answer a couple of questions posed by some non-Alaskan folks. -Tom
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Carolyn said that the list was right on target having lived at Fort
Wainwright for 3 years. She added a few new "signs" of being Alaskan.
Here they are:
1. Going to the store for milk can be life threatening.
2. Your town has no stray animals.
3. Most dogs in your area have a job in transportation.
4. You have a good supply of arctic wear AND mosquito repellant.
5. The schools or businesses don't give "Snow Days".
6. You have more problems with moose eating your bushes
than with grasshoppers or beetles.
7. You have to plug in your car even though it isn't electric.
8. The Halloween pumpkin you carved in October doesn't go bad
until April or May.
9. Short sleeves are considered appropriate wear in any temperature
that doesn't have a - (minus) in front of it.
-- That's for sure. When I was in Kodiak, 40 degrees (F) was
considered warm enough for a bathing suit. - Tom
10. Living in the "boonies" or "out in the country" has a whole
different meaning than in the Lower 48.
11. You sometimes have to wait for the bear to leave the yard before
you can come in from the bathroom. (Carolyn says that this actually
happened to a friend of hers).
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Michael, from Anchorage, said that most people don't know what Sorels are
(keep reading to find out) and added that moose are very large and it takes
a great deal of time to process one. He also confirmed that the mosquitoes
really do have collision lights (*grin*) and that salt and pepper is all you
really need. He also commented that he doesn't think that anyone up there
buys bottled water.
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The two most common questions were to identify Sorels and Zamboni.
"Sorels" are warm, winter boots, considered by some to be "the best
cold-weather boots in the world." They are manufactured by Kaufman
Footwear, a Canadian company. More information can be found at
http://www.inside-outdoors.com/kaufman.htm
A "Zamboni" is a machine for resurfacing ice. Frank J. Zamboni (1901-1988)
invented the first ice resurfacing machine in the early 1940's. The
machines still carry his name to this day. The "Zamboni" has had a
tremendous impact on skating and ice sports throughout the world. More
information can be found at http://www.zamboni.com/
Nick adds: readers of PEANUTS know what a Zamboni is!!
_ _____________________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Energizer Bunny arrested, \ /
\ _/ charged with battery. \_ /
/ / \ \
301
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