humor 2000: Quotes

[Nick Brown <nbrown@calpoly.edu>]

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                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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	EXPECT NICK'S NEXT E:MAILING
	ON OR ABOUT WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY
	(GEORGE, THAT IS) ... FEBRUARY 22
				NICK BROWN

I didn't say it was your fault.
I said I was going to blame you.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't
get sucked into jet engines.

There are two theories to arguing
with women. Neither one works.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Before you criticize someone, you
should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them,
you're a mile away.  And you have
their shoes!



TRIBOND: Three Things With Something In Common
    [from the game of the same name]
What do the trio have in common?

1. Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles, George Brett
2. Bench, Cash, Carson
3. Graham, oyster, ritz
4. Chainsaw, parachute, newborn baby
5. barbecue, machete, sombrero
6. Detective Ron Harris
   Detective Arthur Dietrich
   Officer Carl Levitt
7. Brown, Rice, Florida State
8. Sculpture, plastic surgeon, accountant


> > RSVPs TO AN INVITATION TO
> > THE SCIENTISTS' MILLENNIUM BALL
> >
> > Ampere was worried he wasn't current.
> >
> > Schrodinger had to take his cat to the vet, or did he?
> >
> > Volta was electrified, and Archimedes was buoyant at the thought.
> >
> > Watt reckoned it would be a good way to let off steam.
> >
> > Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.
> >
> > Audubon said he'd have to wing it.
> >
> > Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
> >
> > Darwin waited to see what evolved.
> >
> > Descartes said he'd think about it.
> >
> > Dr. Jekyll declined - he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
> >
> > Edison thought it would be illuminating.
> >
> > Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend.
> >
> > Hawking tried to string enough time together to make
> > space in his schedule.
> >
> > Heisenberg was uncertain that he could make it.
> >
> > Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency.
> >
> > Mendel said he'd put some things together and see what came out.
> >
> > Ohm resisted the idea.
> >
> > Pavlov was drooling at the thought.
> >
> > Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm.


TRIBOND ANSWERS:
1. Royals (England and Kansas City)
2. Johnnys!
3. crackers
4. cords
5. Spanish words adopted as English words
6. Characters on the TV show Barney Miller
7. universities
8. they work with figures

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              humor                            1.94.3 9908
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