humor 2000: Nerw Year's Resolutions

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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Happy New Year!!

And thanks for being patient.
Nick's Humor List is now -- we hope -- back in business.

This is Nick himself writing.  My Cyber-Guru Tim has been working hard to
make the "painless" transfer of Nick's Humor List to a new server (that's
cyber-babble for ... who knows?!!).  In principle, we should observe no
differences (with the possible exception of a whole month's delay before
sending messages out!).

Anyhow, thanks, Tim!!

And now for some selected
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS -------


1. COUNT THE COST

  The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the
  Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a
  special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved
  animals were released back into the wild amid cheers
  and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full
  view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.

  In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an
  attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record.
  Suffering from the flu he came down eight hours short
  of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his
  girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity
  had been cut off.


2. DON'T WHACK YOUR HUBBY WITH A STICK

  A woman came home to find her husband in the
  kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a
  wire running from his waist towards the electric
  kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the
  deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of
  wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places.
  Until that moment he had been happily listening to his
  Walkman.


3. BE CAREFUL HOW YOU STAND FOR YOUR PRINCIPLES

  Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the
  cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn.
  Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped
  through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two
  hapless protesters to death.


4. PROTECT YOUR SHORT-TERM MEMORY

 Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough
 postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to
 sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he
 opened it and was blown to bits.


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
An anagram is a word or phrase
made by rearranging the letters
of another word or phrase.

Today's Anagram:  "Year Two Thousand"  ==  "A Year To Shut Down"
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<


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