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humor 2000: Nerw Year's Resolutions
Nick's G-Rated Humor List
Happy New Year!!
And thanks for being patient.
Nick's Humor List is now -- we hope -- back in business.
This is Nick himself writing. My Cyber-Guru Tim has been working hard to
make the "painless" transfer of Nick's Humor List to a new server (that's
cyber-babble for ... who knows?!!). In principle, we should observe no
differences (with the possible exception of a whole month's delay before
sending messages out!).
Anyhow, thanks, Tim!!
And now for some selected
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS -------
1. COUNT THE COST
The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the
Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a
special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved
animals were released back into the wild amid cheers
and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full
view, they were both eaten by a killer whale.
In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an
attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record.
Suffering from the flu he came down eight hours short
of the 400 day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his
girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity
had been cut off.
2. DON'T WHACK YOUR HUBBY WITH A STICK
A woman came home to find her husband in the
kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a
wire running from his waist towards the electric
kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the
deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of
wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places.
Until that moment he had been happily listening to his
3. BE CAREFUL HOW YOU STAND FOR YOUR PRINCIPLES
Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the
cruelty of sending pigs to a slaughterhouse in Bonn.
Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of them, escaped
through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two
hapless protesters to death.
4. PROTECT YOUR SHORT-TERM MEMORY
Iraqi terrorist, Khay Rahnajet, didn't pay enough
postage on a letter bomb. It came back with "return to
sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he
opened it and was blown to bits.
An anagram is a word or phrase
made by rearranging the letters
of another word or phrase.
Today's Anagram: "Year Two Thousand" == "A Year To Shut Down"
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