humor 2000: Kids' Jokes

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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----------------
>From Adam Reed:
----------------
Why did the stick take a nap?
	Because he was a little board!

Why did the chicken cross the park?
	To get to the other slide!


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Heard in a restaurant:
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What color is rain in a bucket?
	Pink, pink, pink!

What is usually grey and has big ears and a trunk?
	A mouse on vacation.

Why does a dog have fur?
	Without fur it would be a little bare (bear).


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>From Nick Brown:
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Why do cows usually wear bells around their necks?
	Because their horns don't work.

Why do bagpipers usually march as they play?
	To get away from the sound.


==================================================
HOLD THE (HOMO)PHONE!
Thanks to Andrew G. for letting me know that the proper name for words that
have the same spelling but differ in origin, meaning, and (sometimes)
pronunciation is "homograph".

Other subscribers suggested "homophone".  But those are words that have the
same sound and often the same spelling but differ in meaning.  EXAMPLES:
boar, bore; so, sew; to, too; knight, night. Incidentally, "homophone" and
"homonym" are synonyms.

HomoGRAPH: same SPELLING, different sound / meaning.
HomoPHONE: same SOUND, different meaning.
	Homonymn = homophone
You'll see more HOMOGRAPHS in tomorrow's e:mailing.
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<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Today's Anagram:  "Mother-in-law" == "Woman Hitler"
(er -- uh -- ahem -- not mine, of course -- blush)
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Exercising Opinions:
	I joined a health club last
	year, spent about 400 bucks.
	Haven't lost a pound. Apparently
	you have to show up.



[      REAL BUMPER STICKERS      ]
[  From <<RevTonyAG@aol.com>>    ]

**Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

**The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

**Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

**Honk If Anything Falls Off

**He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit



-------------------------------------------
	THANKS TO BILL'S PUNCH LINE
            YOU KNOW YOU ARE
              GETTING OLD
          IF YOU GET THIS JOKE

They were the first to attempt to colonize Mars. They knew it would be
difficult, but they were determined to succeed. They had landed with grass
seeds to plant and embryos of horse, sheep and cattle. But the grass
wouldn't grow, and none of the calves survived.

So they sent a message to earth asking for more sheep and horses and a
replacement for the cattle and grass. They particularly wanted an animal
that could be used as meat in place of beef. Earth radioed back asking if
venison would be satisfactory and the
colonists replied it was.

Finally a space shuttle arrived with supplies. The leader of the colony
said, "We got everything we asked for," he shouted. "They sent mare zygotes
and doe zygotes and little lambs and ivy." (By Stan Kegel)

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