humor 2000: A Homograph Contest

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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Subscriber C Werst contributed these delightful anagrams
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Some subscribers have requested
a complete list of the homographs
I have sent out so far.

POLISH	 DOVE	PRODUCE	  WOUND
REFUSE	 DOES	PRESENT	  BLESSED
NUMBER	 TEAR	SUBJECT   INTIMATE
DESERT	 LEAD	INVALID	  EVENING
OBJECT 	 BASS	CLOSE 	  SEWER
WIND	 SOW	ROW

And that's all I know about. If you find any other homographs, please send
them to me!! A homograph is a pair of words spelled the same that has
different meanings and origins (different pronunciations are optional).
			Thanks,  Nick

We polish the Polish boxes.
The dove dove into the bushes.
A farm can produce lots of produce.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The insurance for the invalid was invalid.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The soldier decided to desert into the desert.
The fisherman threw the bass onto a bass drum.
The dump was so full it had to refuse any refuse.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
I did not object to the object being entered as evidence.
They sent a sewer down to stitch the tear in the sewer line.
After a number of Novocain injections, my jaw got number.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
He could lead better if he would get the lead out.
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes.
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt.
Blessed is he who the Lord God has blessed.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

HOMONYMN (HOMOPHONE) AND HOMOGRAPH COMBINATION
The present is a good time to present the present.




POLITICALLY CORRECT STATEMENTS FOR A NEW CENTURY
From: mikeys-funnies-owner@youthspecialties.com

Your bedroom isn't cluttered,
it's just "passage restrictive."

Kids don't get grounded anymore.
They merely hit "social speed bumps."

You're not late, you just have
a "rescheduled arrival time."

You're not having a bad hair day,
you're suffering from "rebellious
follicle syndrome."

No one's tall anymore.
He's "vertically enhanced."

You're not shy. You're
"conversationally selective."

You don't talk a lot. You're
just "abundantly verbal."

It's not called gossip anymore.
It's "the speedy transmission of
near-factual information."

AND FOR STUDENTS...

The food at the school cafeteria
isn't awful. It's "digestively challenged."

No one fails a class anymore,
he's merely "passing impaired."

You don't have detention, you're
just one of the "exit delayed."

These days, a student isn't lazy.
He's "energetically declined."

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk,
it's just "closure prohibitive."

Your homework isn't missing, its just
having an "out-of-notebook experience."

You're not sleeping in class,
you're "rationing consciousness."

You don't have smelly gym socks,
you have "odor-retentive athletic footwear."

You weren't passing notes in class.
You were "participating in the discreet
exchange of penned meditations."

You're not being sent to the principal's
office. You're "going on a mandatory field
trip to the administrative building."

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