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humor: nov 24 -- Thanksgiving Eve, USA
Nick's G-Rated Humor List
THE TRUTH ABOUT THANKSGIVING
edited from an essay
by Jonathan P. Bernick
Today America celebrates the holiday of Thanksgiving, or as it is known
outside the United States, "Thursday." Families separated for months or
years will reunite, and shortly afterwards remember why they separated.
Throughout the nation, those wretched souls condemned to the public school
system will breathe a bit easier, eager in their anticipation of four days
surcease from education. (The students are pretty happy about it, too.)
Thanksgiving is, of course, a holiday invented by grocers and farmers
to allow them to sell huge quantities of disgusting "traditional" foods
that no one in his right mind would eat otherwise, such as squash. The
average squash is a triumph of minimalism wherein Nature manages to
convert mud into a plant without bothering to change its taste and
Attempts to improve the mud-like flavor of squash by the addition of
delicate seasonings and spices have produced dishes that taste, at best,
like delicately seasoned and spiced mud. A master chef, faced with the
necessity of making a palatable squash dish, would throw in his funny hat
and become a short-order cook at Denny's.
VIEW THIS PILGRIM COUPLE
USING A FIXED WIDTH FONT
> ___ [_____]
> / _ \ // \\
> | / \ | | " |
> || " || __\___/__
> __\\_//__ /\_______/\
> / | U | \/ _ : _ \
> ( (|___|) )/ \ : / \ \
> \_ / \ _/ \ /=====\ / /
> /| |\ './___:___\.'
> ; | | ; | | |
> | | | | | | |
> | \_____/ | |--|--|
> '._______.' |LI|LI|
> \/ \/ \_/ \_/
by Jack Prelutsky
The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air.
It knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.
It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom;
Then splattered all over the kitchen,
completely obscuring the room.
It stuck to the walls and the windows;
it totally coated the floor.
There was turkey attached to the ceiling
where there'd never been turkey before.
It blanketed every appliance;
it smeared every saucer and bowl.
There wasn't a way I could stop it;
that turkey was out of control!
I scraped and I scrubbed with displeasure
and thought with chagrin as I mopped;
That I'd never again stuff a turkey
with popcorn that hadn't been popped.
From: "Gunther, Tina"
SERIOUS STUFF ON THE WEB SITE
A poem titled "WHAT IF" with nice pictures.
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humor 1.94.3+ 9908