humor: dec 01 -- Pun collection (Kurds and such)

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
  Taken from the GROANERS mailings
  of Stan Kegel <kegel@fea.net>
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

	Seems that a real estate agent in London had the misfortune to rent
a flat to two unemployed men from the Kurdistan province of Turkey or Iran.
The two were living off their oil-wealthy fathers. Unfortunately, during a
particularly long oil boycott, the money stopped arriving and they got
behind on their rent.

	After many efforts to get paid the agent hired a collector who had
built a reputation for being able to deliver eviction notices. He soon
learned that, though the two tenants would not answer the door, they did go
out every morning to eat breakfast at the Ayatollah cafê. It was run by an
Italian who was famous for saying, "If ayatollah you once, ayatollah a
thousand times, don't call me Abdul!"

	Bribing his way onto the staff of the cafê, he waited for the
arrival of the two. When they arrived, their modest resources confined them
to ordering coffee and English biscuits. Safe from sight in the kitchen,
the collector sliced open one of the large biscuits, and stuffed the
eviction notice inside.

	When they were served, one of the men, trying to cut open the
biscuit, found the notice. He immediately jumped to his feet and screamed,
"What have you done, you no good Englishman?"

	Whereupon the collector calmly replied, "Quite simple, I've merely
devised a way to bill two Kurds with one scone."
				(By Charles Meyer)

=========

Movie of the Week:
	A tribute to the late Shari Lewis in a made for TV movie,
		"Silence of the Lambchops". (By Guy Ben-Moshe)

Book of the Week:
	"Waterways Of The World" by Sue S. Canal (By Dave Coble)

Extras:
	During a fight, a husband threw a bowl of Jell-O at his wife.
	She had him arrested for carrying a congealed weapon

	There are no mimes on stamps because a mime is
	a terrible thing to paste.

Jokes and Stuff:

	A couple of clams were eating chocolate bars while
	two fish watched. "Did you see that?" one fish said,
	as the clams finished their treat. "They didn't offer
	us a single bite!" "What do you expect?" asked the
	other fish. "They're two shellfish."


========

From: "Joke A Day" <jokeaday-list@lyris.jokeaday.com>

	A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "macho," so he went
out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through
the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at
that big bunch of cows."

	The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' "

	"Heard what?"

	"Herd of cows."

	"Sure, I've heard of cows.
        There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."

=======

Steve Altman:
	Did you know if you laid every cigarette smoker
	end-to-end around the world more than 67 percent
	of them would drown?

	"Do you know who wrote Gulliver's
	Travels?" asked Tom, swiftly.

Jesse James:
	"I must attend my flock," Tom said sheepishly.

Mike Ashley Cooper:
	No matter how bad the appetizer is in a German
	restaurant, one thing to remember when eating
	is  that the wurst is yet to come.

PUNY Riddle Chain:
	When you visit the bank, why does endorsing and depositing
	your check sometimes require a pair of magicians?

		..... You need a Penn and Teller.




		You need a Penn and Teller
			(By Gary Hallock)

=======

From: Alan B. Combs <ACombs@mail.utexas.edu>

	This is a tale of commercial competition in the making and sales of
fine porcelain and china. Noritake, Wedgwood, Mikasa, Lenox and others are
among the world's most famous brands. Buying a collection of any of these
could deplete the whole retirement, I'm afraid.

	Mikasa is a previously stodgy Japanese company that has been
wanting to expand its markets, particularly in Latin America. Along this
line, they have been searching for sales mottos that would show the
appropriate warm hospitality of using their china for house guests.

Finally, they arrived at the perfect slogan: ... Mikasa es Su Casa!

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908