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[humorix] Jargon Coiner 2.0
Jargon Coiner 2.0
December 20, 1999
Jargon Coiner is an irregular Humorix feature that aims to
give you advance warning of new jargon that we've just made
up. If any of this jargon is actually adopted in the Real
World, rest assured that we will waste no time in bragging
about it. Of course, if it isn't adopted, then we will
quietly delete this article from the archives and nobody
will be the wiser.
email@example.com sent in these Microsoft-inspired
* Patch-22: An endless cycle of releasing patches to fix
bugs, that cause more bugs, that require more patches.
* The Hair of the Dogfood that Bit Me: When you force your
employees to use the same shabby products you sell to
* You Windows Some, You Lose Some: Grouping disparate
products under a common title, like "Windows Powered," in
the hope that customers won't know which base technology
to blame for poor performance.
* BIMBY (Buried in My Backyard): A truely stupid piece of
software, like Bob, that you never want anyone to see
* Act Like a Little Billby: When you order the dumping a
popular product, like Visual J++, because you don't want
to answer to someone else's contractual rules.
* Stuck in Net-tral: Waiting for an Internet company to do
something innovative, so you can buy it.
* Just Off the Bloat: The release of another gigabyte-sized
product, like Office.
* A Pain in the Net: The supreme effort involved in keeping
a Web site running with a system like Windows NT.
* Op'd a Feel: The process of grabbing the best features
from another operating system and trying to cram them
* Buggy Wuggy: A form of dance wherein you skip around
saying the word "bug," instead you always say "issue."
* That's Where I Draw the Linux: Refusing to cooperate with
the open source movement because you might lose your
overpriced tech support income.
And the rest came from various members of our Vast Spy
* HOBTOB (Hanging Out By The O'Reilly Books): Seeking free
Linux technical support at a bookstore by waiting near
the computer books for a geek to come by and then
casually asking them for help.
Example: Eric The Linux Zealot walked over to the
Operating Systems shelf and was accosted by a hobtobber
who said slyly, "Hey, I see you're looking at a Linux
book... Do you happen to know anything about Linux? You
see, I've been having this problem setting up PPP..."
* MOOLA (Marketing Officially Organizes Linux Adoptance): A
press release issued by a Dot Com (or Dot Con?) heralding
their "support" for Linux (i.e. "BigPortal.com adopts
Linux as their official operating system by adding five
Linux-related links to their BigDirectory"); used to
inflate their stock price and rake in moola even though
none of their employees have ever used Linux and don't
* Segfault Effect: The recent wave of "Naked and
Petrified", "Grits", and "MEEPT" junk comments posted to
Slashdot by insecure teenagers who came from Segfault
after the low-budget humor site disabled comment posting.
* Karma Kollector: Slashdot user who treats the acquisition
of "karma" as a game; often has a detailed strategy on
how to sucker moderators into raising the score of their
posts (i.e. posting a comment with a title like
"Microsoft Sucks!!! (Score 3, Insightful)" or using "Only
a fool would moderate this down" as a signature). Also
known as "Karma Whore" in some circles.
* IPO (I've Patented the Obvious): Acquiring patents on
trivial things and then hitting other companies over the
head with them.
Example: "Amazon just IPO'd one-click spam and is now
threatening to sue B&N."
* IPO (I'm Pissed Off): Exclamation given by a Linux user
who was unable to participate in a highly lucrative Linux
IPO due to lack of capital or E*Trade problems. Also
uttered by Linux hackers who did not receive The Letter
from Red Hat or VA Linux even though their friends did.
* YAKBA (Yet Another Killer Backhoe Attack): The acronym
that describes network outtages caused by a careless
Examples: "Don't blame us, our website was offline after
we suffered a YAKBA".
"Don't worry about Y2K, what we need to think about is
* Ninety-Niners: In 1849, a horde of people
("Forty-niners") headed to California to pan gold and get
rich quick. In 1999, a horde of people ("Ninety-niners")
headed to California to invest in Linux companies and get
rich quick. Some things never change.
* Zoo: The ubiquitous shelf of O'Reilly Animal Books that
many nerds keep next to their computer
* They're Multiplying Like Portals: The proliferation of
Linux portals that have the latest headlines from
Slashdot and LinuxToday but offer little original
* You Can't Spell EVIL Without vi: A curse uttered by
freshman Computer Science students struggling with vi's
insert mode for the first time.
James S. Baughn
Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/