Fw: dumb criminals

["Brennon Davies" <brdavies@globalcenter.net>]

> >Subject: Dumb Criminals
> >
> >
> >> New York:  Two men decide to rob a bank using thier junkheap of a
> >> car for a getaway vehicle.  They had spray-painted: "FOR SALE
> >555-5555"
> >> (with their phone number) on the side of the car in an effort to sell
> >> the heap.
> >>
> >> Long Beach, CA: Several employees of a large (un-named) aerospace
> >> company decide to rob a bank on thier lunch hour (Figuring that the
> >> police would never look for them at the plant).  Of course, they
> >> forgot to remove thier ID badges while they were robbing the bank!
> >> (And I thought wearing mine into the grocery store was embarassing.)
> >>
> >> Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a
> >> cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of
> >> their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the
> >> machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared,
> >> they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached
> >> to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With
> >> their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
> >>
> >> South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a
> >> bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it
> >> was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him
> >> be arrested immediately.
> >>
> >> Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and
> >> demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him
> >> the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.
> >>
> >> England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up
> >> at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf,
> >> the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a
> >> "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate
> >> his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics
> >> was found in the golf bag.
> >>
> >> Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for
> >> Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-
> >> old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2
> >> years in jail.
> >>
> >> Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600
> >> in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he
> >> provided the court a check--a forged check. He got 10 years.
> >>
> >> (Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun,
> >> announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his
> >> head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.
> >>
> >> (Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours
> >> and stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While
> >> it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was
> >> located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of
> >> himself stealing the camera.)
> >>
> >> (Location Unknown):  A man successfully broke into a bank's basement
> >> through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in
> >> the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the
> >> money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window
> >> through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly.
> >> So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...
> >>
> >> Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal
> >> a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a
> >> refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup.
> >> The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons
> >> decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more*
> >> walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house,
> >> and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked
> >> the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
> >>
> >> (Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience
> >> store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked
> >> for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
> >> a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
> >> promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled--
> >> leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
> >> got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
> >>
>