humor: aug 11 -- Theories

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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IMPLAUSIBLE THEORIES:

4th RUNNER-UP (Subject: Probability Theory)

	If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of
pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite
number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great
literary works in Braille.

3rd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Bio-Mechanics)

	Why yawning is contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on
your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other
people's ear pressures, so they then yawn to even it out.

2nd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Symbolic Logic)

	Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have
no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate technical
ideas at a faster rate.

1st RUNNER-UP (Subject: Newtonian Mechanics)

	The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as
a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close
to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin
dangerously fast.

HONORABLE MENTION (Subject: Linguistics)

	The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant. If
omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian "pahks his
cah," the lost R's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to "warsh" his car
and invest in "erl" wells.

GRAND PRIZE WINNER (Subject: Perpetual Motion)

	When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast
is dropped, it always lands buttered side down. It was proposed to strap
giant slabs of hot buttered toast to the backs of a hundred tethered cats;
the two opposing forces will cause the cats to hover, spinning inches above
the ground. Using the giant buttered toast/cat array, a high-speed monorail
could easily link New York with Chicago.

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  from Stan Kegel <kegel@fea.net>
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What primate will verbally harass, cajole or agitate others?
	Harangueutan (By Gary Hallock)

Tom Swifts from The Pun American Newsletter:

	"There must be a better way of making coffee,"
	said Tom instantly.

"I never thought I'd end up in a prison cell,"
	Tom said pensively.

How did I save myself when the ship sank?
	I just grabbed a cake of soap
	and washed myself ashore!

"Waiter!" the customer shouted. "This coffee tastes like mud!"
	The waiter smiled. "Yes sir," he said. "It's fresh ground."


	King Kong was very strong.
 	At least, he wasn't frail.
 	Some say his story is true,
	But I think it's just a Fay Wray tale.


Authors:
	"Catching Worms" By Earl E Byrd
				(D. Coble)

	"By The Dawn's Early Light"  By Jose Canusi
				(Devi Singer)

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  Taken from the GROANERS mailings
  of Stan Kegel <kegel@fea.net>
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How is playing a bagpipe like
throwing a javelin blindfolded?

	You don't have to be very
	good to get people's attention.



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                      humor                            1.94.3+
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