humor: aug 30 -- A Mixed Bag of Gags

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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WELL, I SURE GOOFED!  AS YOU MIGHT HAVE GUESSED,
YESTERDAY'S 'HITTITE' JOKE WAS SENT TO ME AS A
'BLOND' JOKE.  I DIDN'T GET ALL THE SHE'S CHANGED
TO HE'S AND THE RESULT WAS --- WELL --- STRANGE.
		apologies ---
			Nick the Hittite


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I Only Need them to...

As the three ladies picked up a menu, each put on a pair of glasses.

"I really only need mine for close reading," explained the first.

Remarked the second, "I only use mine when the light is bad."

The third confessed, "I rarely wear mine --  except when I want to see."

----------------

One Fish That Got Away

Did you hear about the kid who was pulled over for speeding?
The cop got out of his car and the young man rolled down
his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on
his way without a ticket.

-----------------

You Know What Happens to Parking Violators?

There Was A Wizard who worked in a factory.
Everything was satisfactory except that
certain miscreants, taking advantage of his
good nature, would steal his parking spot.

This continued until he put up the following sign:
"This parking space belongs to the Wizard.
Violators will be toad."

------------------

"I knew I could count on you!"

Mr. Smith went to see his supervisor in the front office.
"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning
at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the
attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies.
"I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith "I knew I could count on you!"

------------------

"Who's been eating my porridge?"

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is
just waking up.  Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small
chair at the table.  He looks into his small bowl.  It is empty!
"Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair.  He
looks into his big bowl.  It is also empty!  "Who's been eating
my porridge?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the
kitchen and screams, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we
have to go through this?  I haven't made the porridge yet!!"

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              humor                            1.94.3+ 9908
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