humor: sep 06 -- Labor Day Pun Time

[Nick Brown <nbrown@polymail.cpunix.calpoly.edu>]

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                              Nick's G-Rated Humor List
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All right, go lie upon the beach,
   To bake beyond the water's reach;
But if you're blistered when you quit,
   Remember that you basked for it.
		 -- Anthony B. Lake


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  Taken from the pun-filled mailings
  of Stan Kegel <kegel@fea.net
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From:    Bill Stebbins <bs16@CORNELL.EDU
Via: UGA Humor List <HUMOR@LISTSERV.UGA.EDU

Once there was a horse that was much annoyed because several birds were
building nests in his mane.  Nothing he did would make them stop. The
noise and activity were driving the horse crazy. So, he decided to see the
wise old owl for help.

The old owl told him to go home and put some yeast in his mane and all
would be well. The horse thought this was a bit nutty, but out of
desperation, he did what the owl told him.

The next morning the mane was completely clear of nests. The very
surprised horse trotted excitedly to the owl's house.

When asked why the yeast worked, the owl replied, "Horse, don't you know
that .... yeast is yeast and nest is nest and never the mane shall tweet?"

=====================

(By John Barnstead)
	It happened once upon a time --- ten princes were cursed by an evil
fairy godmother and turned into large, regal white birds.  Their sister
was advised by the local wizard to crochet magical shirts from nettles
which, when cast over her brothers, would return them to their princely
forms.

	The sister whiled away the time while crocheting in the company of
a close friend, one 'Little Miss Muffet' from a neighbouring tale. The two
would sit on their tuffets and eat curds, and unfortunately the tenth
nettle-shirt accidently got soaked in the bottom of the bowl.

	Fortunately for both the tenth prince and his sister, the shirt
still performed its magical function, but in after years he would tease
her about the fine white fuzz which had remained on his well-muscled chest
following his restoration to princely duties;

	"That's `Whey Down upon the Swan'," he ribbed her...

===================

The International Save the Pun Foundation:
	Famous golfer, Harry Vardon was stricken with the flu
	at the start of the tournament and again through the
	third round. The sportswriters said he lost because of
	an over lapping grippe.

Pun of the Day:
	Gossip travels faster over the sour grapevine.

Tom Swifts from The Pun American Newsletter:
	 Why can't I have a dog?" cried Tom petulantly.

Paronomastic Dictionary by Stan Kegel:
	NITRATE: Cheapest price for calling long distance

Howell Gwin asks the important question,
	Have you read the book about the novice manservant?
	It's called "HOW GREEN WAS MY VALET."

============================
From: "Frank Morris" <popu70@rev.net>
NICK COMMENTS:  Frank Morris has his own humor mailing list.
You might email him and ask about it.  His hard drive crashed
and he lost his collection of subscriber addresses.  This is
not an endorsement by me, but an opportunity for you to see if
you like Frank's material.

	A fellow walked into an Ice Cream Store
	On a very hot summery day,
	He ordered a double scooped chocolaty cone,
	Received it, and then walked away.

	Out on the sidewalk he paused for a bit,
	Then he pulled out a pair of green budgies,
		[American = parakeets]
	Sat down on a nearby bench with his birds,
	And placed them on top of his fudgie.

	A game passerby who glanced o'er his way
	And noticed this curious sight,
	Was prompted to ask "What's happ'nin', Bud,
	With your treat with two birdies alight?"

	The fellow replied in a curious way,
	In an absolute serious tone,
	"I'm trying, dear sir, as best I know how,
	To chill two birds with one cone."

NICK COMMENTS:  Frank Morris has his own humor mailing list.
You might email him and ask about it.  His hard drive crashed
and he lost his collection of subscriber addresses.  This is
not an endorsement by me, but an opportunity for you to see if
you like Frank's material.

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