[humorix] Let's Crack That Box

[James Baughn <jbaughn@ldd.net>]

Let's Crack That Box
September 22, 1999

HOUSTON, TX -- Much has been said about the "Crack This
Box!" publicity stunts[1] held by Microsoft, LinuxPPC, and
now PC Week. However, we have just learned that another
box-cracking competition was held last Friday in
conjunction with a Linux 8th birthday[2] celebration in
Texas.

VA Linux supplied the Linux boxes, while Gateway provided
the Windows NT boxes.  Both boxes featured
triple-corrugated deluxe cardboard construction, however
the Windows NT boxes did not perform as well as the Linux
boxes during the competition.

In the first event, called "Windows Drag-N-Drop", two boxes
were dragged to the tenth floor of an apartment building
and then dropped out of the window.  After hitting the
concrete, the boxes were inspected by a team of judges for
external cracks, deformities, and other performance
issues.  The VA Linux box was the clear winner.

The outcome of the second event was much different.  Two
boxes were each surrounded by a brick wall (what one judge
called a "firewall"), with two teams competing against each
other to remotely damage the boxes. The anti-Linux team was
able to breach a hole in the wall and toss in a carton of
fireworks, which promptly incinerated the VA Linux box. 
The Gateway/Windows NT box was unscathed.

Said one Linux box-cracker, "This test proves that Linux
boxes are far less secure that Windows NT".  This remark
led to a flame war, with a group of irate Linux zealots
screaming, "All this test proves is that the person who
built the firewall is an idiot!"  One participant later
added, "If the test had continued much longer, the Windows
NT box probably would have spontaneously combusted in the
sun anyways."

The third and final event, however, was quite conclusive:
VA Linux boxes are stronger.  Two boxes were each turned
upside down and then weights were added one by one until
the boxes collapsed under the demand.  The Linux box was
able to handle twice the load that the Windows box could.  

"This competition shows that Linux boxes are more secure,
reliable, and robust.  The next time I need to send a
package, I'll make sure I use a box from VA Linux."

Not all were happy with the competition.  "This is absurd!  To come
to the conclusion that Linux boxes are superior based on some
silly tests conducted by drunk Linux advocates is beyond belief," one
judge said (he hasn't been invited to the 9th birthday celebration next
year).

One inebriated participant slurred, "This box-cracking
competition was almost as much fun as the mouse-slinging event[3] at
Linux Kongress '99!"

[1] http://www.vision25.demon.co.uk/prog/linuxbirthday.html
[2] http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=99/09/20/1411244
[3] http://linuxtoday.com/story.php3?sn=9543

---

James S. Baughn
http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/

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