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humor: sep 27 -- Sunday Stuff
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From: "Gunther, Tina" <email@example.com>
Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his
grandmother after a particularly trying week in
kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take
him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been
snowing all night and everything was beautiful.
His grandmother remarked, "Doesn't it look like
an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God
painted this just for you?"
Bobby said, "Yes, God did it and He did it left-handed."
This confused his grandmother a bit, and she asked
him "What makes you say God did this with His
"Well," said Bobby, "we learned at Sunday School
last week that Jesus sits on God's right hand, so
He must be left-handed!"
Source- Kitty's Daily Mews <MsKitty@katscratch.com>
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He
read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife
and flee out of the city,
but his wife looked back and was turned to salt."
His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"
From: "Kenneth R. Johnson" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story
about her then-four-year-old daughter. On the way to
preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car
seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing
with it. Be still, my heart, thought my friend, my
daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!
Then the child spoke into the instrument:
"Welcome to McDonald's. May I take you order?"
**"People are like tea bags-you have to put them in hot water
before you know how strong they are."
**"God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."
**"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right."
**"Fight truth decay-study the Bible daily."
**"How will you spend eternity-Smoking or Non-smoking?"
**"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives":
**"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
**"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
**"If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
**"Looking at the way some people live, they ought
to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."
**"This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?"
**"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
**"In the dark? Follow the Son."
And the last one (serious stuff!!)
"If you can't sleep,
don't count sheep.
Talk to the Shepherd."
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in
green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He
guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power, and his arm rules for him. See,
his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him. He tends his
flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them
close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.
When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because
they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many
John 10:11-17 "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his
life for the sheep. The hired hand is not the shepherd who owns the sheep.
So when he sees the wolf coming, he abandons the sheep and runs away. Then
the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. The man runs away because he
is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep.
"I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me-- just as
the Father knows me and I know the Father --and I lay down my life for the
sheep. I have other sheep that are not of this sheep pen. I must bring
them also. They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock
and one shepherd. The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life
--only to take it up again.
May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought
back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip
you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is
pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever.
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humor 1.94.3+ 9908